{"id":8562,"date":"2011-12-19T13:14:02","date_gmt":"2011-12-19T18:14:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/liveaction.org\/blog\/?p=8562"},"modified":"2013-04-02T18:00:51","modified_gmt":"2013-04-02T22:00:51","slug":"abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/","title":{"rendered":"Abortion hurts, part three: clinic and conversion"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.www.liveactionnews.org\/?attachment_id=\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-8885\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-8885\" title=\"Abortion Clinic Entrance\" alt=\"\" src=\"http:\/\/liveaction.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/awc-entrance-192x300.jpg\" width=\"192\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>After trying to kill myself to escape the overwhelming guilt after my abortion, I emerged from my month spent in an adolescent psychiatric unit with an incongruous newly-found zeal for abortion rights. Within weeks of my discharge from the psych unit, I found myself on a bus to Washington, D.C. to <a title=\"Abortion Rights March, Washington, D.C. April 1989\" href=\"http:\/\/articles.latimes.com\/1989-04-10\/news\/mn-1712_1_protest-march-marchers-abortion\" target=\"_blank\">march for abortion rights<\/a>\u00a0and soon after I began volunteering as an escort for a first-trimester abortion clinic. An advanced degree in psychology isn\u2019t necessary to see that I was plainly trying to assuage my guilt (and protect my delicate and damaged psyche) by assuming the precise opposite of what I truly believed. Freud called this <a title=\"reaction formation\" href=\"http:\/\/psychology.about.com\/od\/theoriesofpersonality\/ss\/defensemech_11.htm\" target=\"_blank\">reaction formation<\/a>, one of many coping strategies he dubbed <a title=\"defense mechanisms\" href=\"http:\/\/www.britannica.com\/EBchecked\/topic\/155704\/defense-mechanism?anchor=ref195658\" target=\"_blank\">defense mechanisms<\/a>. I certainly took reaction formation to the extreme by espousing the most diametrically opposed position of my innermost heart when I accepted the offer of a job at an abortion clinic.<\/p>\n<p><!--more-->I completely bought the bill of goods I was sold: that abortion was somehow linked to women\u2019s equality, that giving birth and making an adoption plan for an unwanted child (rather than killing it by abortion) was somehow unduly burdensome for a pregnant mother, and that countless women would die if abortion was illegal. (Naturally, I no longer believe any of that propaganda.) Combine all of this with my unconscious overwhelming need to repress\/transform my personal feelings about <em>my<\/em> abortion\u2014and my longing for <em>my<\/em> lost child\u2014and it created the perfect recipe for a die-hard abortion rights advocate.<\/p>\n<p>We all truly believed we were offering women an innocuous, much-needed, and unfairly-maligned \u201cmedical\u201d service. Although violence was not common, every publicized incident\u2014but especially the murders, as well as the non-violent invasion, occupation, and blockade of the clinic where I worked\u2014steeled our resolve in our self-righteous insistence that abortion remain safe and legal. Not surprisingly, it is easy to discount the opinions of people you think are trying to kill you.<\/p>\n<p>As strange as it may sound now, my years spent working at the clinic were some of the best of my life. The camaraderie at work created a family-like atmosphere\u2014it was a nearly all-female workplace (with the exception of a few of the doctors)\u2014and as a very young woman (I worked there from age 18 \u2013 23) I found this inspiring.<\/p>\n<p>Then I started having nightmares\u2014nightmares that were no longer only about my lost baby\u2014but about all of the babies killed by abortion where I worked every day, all of the babies killed by abortion everywhere. My sleep was haunted by tiny limbless phantom babies\u2026 But even then, my desire to survive in a world without my child\u2014because I\u2019d killed him\u2014warped my mind into believing that if all of these strong, capable women I worked with thought abortion was OK, I must be able to believe that too. So I pushed down the unpleasantness\u2014muzzled my pesky conscience\u2014and I kept going back to work, day after day. It wasn\u2019t until many years and innumerable nightmares later that <a title=\"How Do We Change Hearts and Minds?\" href=\"http:\/\/liveaction.org\/blog\/how-do-we-change-hearts-and-minds\/\" target=\"_blank\">I finally opened my eyes to the brutal and barbaric truth<\/a>: abortion is murder.<\/p>\n<p>A cold day a year ago, I found myself contemplating the bizarre and unnatural process of in-vitro fertilization and surrogacy. After learning of a surrogate mother who accepted payment of her surrogacy contract in full to abort the innocent baby with Down syndrome she was carrying for an infertile couple, something finally (finally!) clicked in my mind\u2014pregnancy was now a commercial transaction: the little helpless human a commodity to be conceived, sold, bought, and disposed of at will\u2014how gruesome and indefensible and reprehensible\u2014and I had been a part of that \u201cindustry\u201d for years.<\/p>\n<p>My conversion to the pro-life worldview could never have happened without the courageous public testimony of <a title=\"Abby Johnon: Pro-life Advocate\" href=\"http:\/\/www.abbyjohnson.org\" target=\"_blank\">Abby Johnson<\/a>, the former Planned Parenthood Director who experienced a profound change of heart after watching an ultrasound-guided abortion, best described in her amazing book, <a title=\"Unplanned\" href=\"http:\/\/www.unplannedthebook.com\" target=\"_blank\">Unplanned<\/a>. Her courage and strength in the face of overwhelming opposition from her former employer (and former friends and co-workers) inspired the confidence I needed to fully change my mind and support the inherent right-to-life of all human beings from conception to natural death.<\/p>\n<p>Within weeks of self-identifying as pro-life I began donating my time, talents, and treasure to the cause: I joined <a title=\"Feminists for Life\" href=\"http:\/\/www.feministsforlife.com\" target=\"_blank\">Feminists for Life<\/a>, the <a title=\"Susan B. Anthony List\" href=\"http:\/\/sba-list.org\/\" target=\"_blank\">Susan B. Anthony List<\/a>, and <a title=\"Pennsylvanians for Human Life\" href=\"http:\/\/pennlife.org\/\" target=\"_blank\">Pennsylvanians for Human Life<\/a>. Then I sought out my <a title=\"Mainline Coalition for Life\" href=\"http:\/\/40daysforlife.com\/mainlinecoalition\/\" target=\"_blank\">local chapter <\/a>of <a title=\"40 Days for Life\" href=\"http:\/\/40daysforlife.com\" target=\"_blank\">40 Days for Life<\/a> and attended my first vigil outside of the hospital where my third son was born, and where abortions are performed. Next I began speaking to local church leaders about helping to support <a title=\"Amnion Crisis Pregnancy Centers\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amnion.org\/\" target=\"_blank\">Amnion Crisis Pregnancy Centers<\/a>. Taking these steps to help support the pro-life movement, and to foster the changing of hearts and minds, has been a transformative experience for which I am grateful. But I still miss my baby, and no amount of dollars I donate will make that pain go away.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After trying to kill myself to escape the overwhelming guilt after my abortion, I emerged from my month spent in an adolescent psychiatric unit with an incongruous newly-found zeal for abortion rights. Within weeks of my discharge from the psych unit, I found myself on a bus to Washington, D.C. to march for abortion rights\u00a0and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":29062,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Abortion hurts, part three: clinic and conversion - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Abortion hurts, part three: clinic and conversion - Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"After trying to kill myself to escape the overwhelming guilt after my abortion, I emerged from my month spent in an adolescent psychiatric unit with an incongruous newly-found zeal for abortion rights. Within weeks of my discharge from the psych unit, I found myself on a bus to Washington, D.C. to march for abortion rights\u00a0and [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/liveaction\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-12-19T18:14:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-04-02T22:00:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/medical-clinic-obgyn-bed.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"480\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"321\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Jewels Green\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@liveaction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@liveaction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Jewels Green\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Jewels Green\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#\/schema\/person\/6d913945f0087039674882839d9df92a\"},\"headline\":\"Abortion hurts, part three: clinic and conversion\",\"datePublished\":\"2011-12-19T18:14:02+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-04-02T22:00:51+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\"},\"wordCount\":836,\"commentCount\":22,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Opinion\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\",\"name\":\"Abortion hurts, part three: clinic and conversion - Live Action News\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-12-19T18:14:02+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-04-02T22:00:51+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/abortion-hurts-part-three-clinic-and-conversion\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Abortion hurts, part three: clinic and conversion\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/\",\"name\":\"Live Action News\",\"description\":\"Covering Human Rights, Abortion, &amp; 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