{"id":53638,"date":"2014-09-17T08:34:34","date_gmt":"2014-09-17T12:34:34","guid":{"rendered":"\/news\/?p=53638"},"modified":"2014-09-17T08:34:34","modified_gmt":"2014-09-17T12:34:34","slug":"sister-of-two-aborted-babies-says-reach-out-to-post-abortive-women-with-mercy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/sister-of-two-aborted-babies-says-reach-out-to-post-abortive-women-with-mercy\/","title":{"rendered":"Sister of two aborted babies says reach out to post-abortive women with mercy"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

Looking back, Laura believes she\u2019s always known that something was wrong in her family. She felt what she later described as \u201csurvivor’s guilt.\u201d When she discovered that her mother had aborted two of her siblings, she realized that her intuitions had been correct. In this interview, she answers a few questions about being the sister of aborted babies.<\/em><\/p>\n

What were your feelings on abortion before you found out about losing a sibling?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I was pro-life. I hadn\u2019t participated in anything like 40 Days for Life, but I absolutely believed that life begins at conception, and that abortion is murder.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

How did you find out about the abortion?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

By accident. Our mother passed away a couple years ago after suffering from a neurodegenerative illness. She had been looking into donating her brain for research. One of her sisters had helped her fill out a medical history report and somehow or another since I was running errands, they gave it to me to mail. Knowing how important it was to have all the details and signatures in order, and also assuming I knew everything about my mom\u2019s medical history since she was a pretty open person, I flipped through the packet of papers. I also wanted to see my and my sisters\u2019 names on the page about pregnancies and reproductive health \u2013 we\u2019re part of her history!<\/p>\n

\u201cPregnancies: 5\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLive births: 3\u201d<\/p>\n

I was puzzled, as I didn\u2019t think she had had any miscarriages \u2013 I thought I would have known. So a couple weeks later when I was visiting the aunt who had helped her write it, I asked. She knew what I was going to ask even before I finished the question! \u201cShe had two abortions\u201d.<\/p>\n

How has being the sibling of an aborted baby or babies affected you?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

This is a difficult question to answer! It\u2019s changed my whole view of my mother, my own origins… there was a sense of \u201cwell that explains a lot\u201d, when I found out. For example, our mother was very overprotective and rarely let us fall and learn from our mistakes. I had read somewhere that that is often how postabortive mothers react. Learning I have aborted siblings has also helped me understand why I\u2019ve suffered from survivor guilt my whole life. The abortions happened before she met my father, so there was no chance I had been at risk of being aborted like my half-siblings… but that feeling of, \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to exist\u201d was always present.<\/p>\n

I never did tell my mom that I knew. I was afraid she would worry that I was judging her, even though I wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

From time to time during the first year, and occasionally this year, too, I\u2019d suddenly find myself thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t believe she did that!\u201d, and feel nauseous. \u201cShe killed two people!\u201d But on the other hand, this has also challenged me to be more merciful and understanding towards her. It did help to know that she deeply regretted the abortions. I\u2019m actually not sure I could have forgiven her as soon as I did, if that hadn\u2019t been the case.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if my sisters know. I\u2019d like to tell them, or at least, touch base with them about this, but I\u2019m quite scared and not sure I can handle it. One of them is pro-abortion; I don\u2019t know about the other one.<\/p>\n

What was it like meeting other siblings?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve only met them online, not in person, but it\u2019s definitely been nice. Sometimes I have to take a break from the online group I\u2019m part of, because I need a break emotionally. As nice as it is to be able to connect with people who understand that abortion effects surviving siblings, I can\u2019t handle being reminded of it all the time.<\/p>\n

One thing I do appreciate about the group, though, is that we all have different backgrounds. I think most of us are motivated by our religious beliefs to be pro-life, but not everyone is. And it\u2019s nice to be reminded that anyone can be pro-life. I\u2019ve really enjoyed readings posts by one of the members who does not identify with a Christian faith tradition (and maybe none at all; it\u2019s not something she\u2019s really discussed), because it broadens and develops my own reasons for being pro-life. It\u2019s nice to have common ground and to discuss all our reasons for being pro-life. It also reminds me that being pro-life is the logical, reasonable position to take, no matter what your spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof. We\u2019re all people and we all deserve to live!<\/p>\n

What has brought you healing?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Several things \u2013 time, talking with my aunt that initial time, and being part of the secret group on Facebook. [Editor’s note: For other siblings reading this, you can write to Susi O Fanabba\u00a0who runs this group and ask permission to join] <\/a>But probably the most healing has been discussing this with my spiritual director. It\u2019s not something I\u2019ve brought up often. But one time I was meditating on a passage from Isaiah:<\/p>\n

Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not. See, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? (Is. 43:18-19)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I had been feeling I had hit rock-bottom in my life, for various reasons. This passage gave me hope that all was not lost. And then the second time I was meditating on it, I remembered a story my mom had told me about when she discovered she was expecting me. I will share the story, but in a nutshell, it occurred to me that I was the \u201csomething new\u201d\u2019 in her life:<\/p>\n

My parents were married in August of 1982 and while on their honeymoon, our mother\u2019s father died.\u00a0 In December, she discovered she was pregnant with me \u2013 a surprise, as my parents weren\u2019t planning to have children right away. My mom told me that a couple days before finding out, she had a dream that she and her siblings and mother were sitting in their living room, and then her dad walked in and handed her a white (cloth) bundle, telling her to take good care of it. She was very happy to see him, but he couldn\u2019t stay. Then she found out I was on the way. She always told me, \u201cGrandpa gave you to me!\u201d\u00a0 I used to think maybe he watched over me, since our mom was often emotionally abusive.<\/p>\n

But, knowing about the abortions now, it seems like a dream of forgiveness and being given another chance.\u00a0 My mom told me one time, when talking about her reaction when her father died, was that she was aware that he would \u201cknow about bad things I’ve done.\u201d I asked her, \u201cWhat bad things? I thought you said you never got into bad things\u201d. I don\u2019t remember her response exactly, except that it was evasive. So I imagine that dream was healing for her.<\/p>\n

And it is healing for me, too, as reflecting on it helps me deal with survivor\u2019s guilt.<\/p>\n

As someone who loves a postabortion family member, how should the pro-life movement reach out to postabortion women?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

With mercy. When I found out about the abortions, I remembered the following event with my mom, which had struck me at the time. It\u2019s a long answer, but I want to illustrate how extending compassion, mercy and hope really CAN make a difference.<\/p>\n

I had been part of a Catholic weight loss group called The Light Weigh, and the woman who created it had made a series of CDs with encouraging talks, discussions, that sort of thing. My mom and I were driving to a relative\u2019s out of state and for whatever reason, my mom wanted to listen to this CD. Her faith traditions at this time were no longer Catholic, so I was very surprised. But I went along with it. One of the tracks talked about some reasons women have a hard time losing weight. One reason cited was having had a miscarriage, or wanting more children, and then subconsciously being at a pregnancy weight. Then at one point the speaker said something like, \u201cAnd you have to wonder about abortion. I just want to say to any women out there who have had an abortion, no sin is greater than God\u2019s mercy.\u201d She then went on to suggest starting a prayer relationship with your baby, letting yourself feel your baby\u2019s love and forgiveness… so that when you die and meet each other in heaven, it will be a reunion.<\/p>\n

I had already listened to this CD so I figured, well, we don\u2019t need to continue with this particular track, how could it possibly apply to us, it\u2019s rather uncomfortable to think about abortion. I went to fast forward it and my mom said, \u201cNo, I want to hear this.\u201d So we did, and she was silent throughout the whole thing. With the other tracks, we had frequently stopped them to discuss a topic. A couple weeks later, I was complaining about some minor mistake I had made but couldn\u2019t let go of, and my mom blurted out, \u201cIf God can forgive a woman who\u2019s had an abortion, I think He can forgive you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Specific programs and retreats and whatnot are helpful, I\u2019m sure, but more important might be to just have a merciful, respectful attitude in general, like the speaker in that talk. A lot of people do assume the pro-life community is judgemental, and that assumption can hinder a postabortive woman\u2019s search for healing.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t really articulate what I\u2019m trying to say, so I\u2019ll use an analogy of a garden. The gardener can create spaces for plants to grow, he can put the plants in the space to grow… but at the end of the day, the best thing he can do is just nurture the plants, make sure they have good soil and enough water and sunshine, and then just let them grow according to their own schedules. The speaker on that CD mentioned Project Rachel and Rachel\u2019s Vineyard, but I\u2019m sure the initially important thing was that her overall attitude was merciful, encouraging, hopeful… who wants to attend a retreat if you\u2019re not sure you won\u2019t be shamed?<\/p>\n

Can you give any advice to mothers who may want to tell their surviving children that they aborted their sibling?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Definitely tell them! I don\u2019t have any advice for \u201chow\u201d, but I would strongly encourage postabortive mothers to tell their surviving children. Chances are, they already sense that something is off. Many members of the online group have said they always felt someone was missing. It was painful to find out, but I’m grateful. My life makes more sense now.<\/p>\n

If you are the surviving sister or brother of aborted babies, you can find help and be introduced to a community of fellow survivors here at Surviving Sibling. <\/a>\u00a0Everyone is welcome whatever their political beliefs or religion. \u00a0Two facebook pages, Abortion Hurts Siblings and Others <\/a>and Siblings\u00a0Against\u00a0Abortion<\/a>\u00a0in addition to the secret group exist. Again, all siblings are welcome to come and get support whether they identify as pro-life or not.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Looking back, Laura believes she\u2019s always known that something was wrong in her family. She felt what she later described as \u201csurvivor’s guilt.\u201d When she discovered that her mother had aborted two of her siblings, she realized that her intuitions had been correct. In this interview, she answers a few questions about being the sister […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":153,"featured_media":51780,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[2789,2788],"yoast_head":"\nSister of two aborted babies says reach out to post-abortive women with mercy - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/sister-of-two-aborted-babies-says-reach-out-to-post-abortive-women-with-mercy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sister of two aborted babies says reach out to post-abortive women with mercy - Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Looking back, Laura believes she\u2019s always known that something was wrong in her family. 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