{"id":50267,"date":"2014-06-03T08:33:10","date_gmt":"2014-06-03T12:33:10","guid":{"rendered":"\/news\/?p=50267"},"modified":"2014-06-23T01:56:05","modified_gmt":"2014-06-23T05:56:05","slug":"six-things-ive-learned-about-adoption","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/six-things-ive-learned-about-adoption\/","title":{"rendered":"Six things I’ve learned about adoption"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

The call woke me up late one December evening in 2012. I was out of state at a training seminar for work and was already fast asleep in my hotel room. Seeing that the caller was my sister, I confess that my first, half-asleep reaction not quite joyous as, between the two of us, she is definitely the night person. But when I finally became coherent enough to understand what she was saying and her words \u2013 \u201cYou\u2019re an aunt.\u201d \u2013 sank in, I knew my life had just been irreversibly changed.<\/p>\n

I now think of it as among the best days of my life.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

What makes it different from, perhaps, the \u201ctypical\u201d experience is that my precious niece came to our family through adoption. Now, 18 months later, I can\u2019t get enough of her smiles, her kisses, and her words that are coming at a faster pace by the day.<\/p>\n

Perceptions \u2013 and misperceptions \u2013 of adoption are undoubtedly too many to count, from the idea that people adopt only (and always) because it\u2019s their only option to have children (wrong) to the idea that children are placed for adoption only because they are unwanted (wrong again).<\/p>\n

As I’ve watched my niece grow these past months, and now as I watch my sister and brother-in-law pursue adopting four siblings, I\u2019ve had my own perceptions challenged, reinforced, obliterated, and tweaked \u2013 in varying degrees.<\/p>\n

While I certainly can\u2019t give \u2018advice\u2019 as (or to) an adoptive mother, perhaps a few things I\u2019ve learned can help others whose lives have been changed, blessed, and enriched in some way through adoption \u2013 or those who aren\u2019t quite sure how to respond to a friend or family member who has chosen to adopt.<\/p>\n

1) Every story is different.<\/strong> Before assuming you know the reason for an adoption, realize one thing: you probably don\u2019t. Assumptions, if stated, can be hurtful \u2013 to birth mothers, to adoptive parents, and to the children involved. Just as every child is unique, so, too, is every story unique.<\/p>\n

2) People ask some stupid questions.<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s true. While I haven\u2019t gotten some of the downright rude questions my sister has gotten, I have gotten questions such as \u201cWhere did she come from?\u201d \u201cDid they adopt because they couldn\u2019t have kids?\u201d Etc. By and large, these questions reflect ignorance more than malice. And truth be told, I\u2019ve probably asked these exact questions in my past (although never again). So, to all my friends who will be asked these questions, take heart, you\u2019re not the first to face them. And to those thinking about asking these questions, think twice. If your purpose is simply your own curiosity, perhaps restraint is the virtue of the day.<\/p>\n

3) \u201cAdopted\u201d does not mean \u201cunwanted.\u201d<\/strong> It\u2019s all too easy and tempting to imagine that a birth mother places her child for adoption because she doesn\u2019t want the child. After all, how could anyone \u201cgive up\u201d her child? Before going any further, stop. Just stop. Unless you know the whole story, you don\u2019t know the whole story (And even if you know the whole story, you might not know the whole story.) Certainly, those instances exist. But so do many, many cases of birth mothers showing incredible love and courage by relinquishing their children to someone else\u2019s care.<\/p>\n

4) Adoption does not define a child.<\/strong> My niece is not my \u201cadopted\u201d niece. My niece is my niece, who so happened to come into our family through adoption. Certainly, the fact that this is her story will impact her life. But classifying a child \u2013 any child \u2013 by the fact that they entered a family through adoption is no different from classifying them based on other factors, which we wouldn\u2019t dream of doing.<\/p>\n

5) If you haven\u2019t adopted a child, don\u2019t pretend you understand.<\/strong> How tempting it would be to tell my sister \u2013 or anyone pursuing an adoption \u2013 that I understand the stresses they\u2019re going through. All that paperwork? Well, yeah, I\u2019ve done my taxes before. All the uncertainties? Sure, I\u2019ve been uncertain of things before. But the reality is that I have no idea. And chances are, if you haven\u2019t adopted, neither do you. To offer our support, we don\u2019t need to know it all or pretend that we do.<\/p>\n

6) Adoption will change your life in ways you can\u2019t even begin to imagine.<\/strong> When I first met my niece, I couldn\u2019t begin to imagine the joy she would bring into our lives. Certainly, things changed. But it was the kind of change you never knew you needed but now can\u2019t imagine life without. And if and when more children join my niece, I know that a year from now, I\u2019ll be saying the same thing.<\/p>\n

This list could be much, much longer \u2013 and I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll be adding even more to it in the coming months and years. But until then, I\u2019ll be enjoying as much time as I can with the little girl whose arrival has already taught me so much.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The call woke me up late one December evening in 2012. I was out of state at a training seminar for work and was already fast asleep in my hotel room. Seeing that the caller was my sister, I confess that my first, half-asleep reaction not quite joyous as, between the two of us, she […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":201,"featured_media":41836,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nSix things I've learned about adoption - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Perceptions \u2013 and misperceptions \u2013 of adoption are undoubtedly too many to count.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/six-things-ive-learned-about-adoption\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Six things I've learned about adoption - Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Perceptions \u2013 and misperceptions \u2013 of adoption are undoubtedly too many to count.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/six-things-ive-learned-about-adoption\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/liveaction\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-06-03T12:33:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-06-23T05:56:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/mother-daughter.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"480\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"320\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Gina L. 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