{"id":45062,"date":"2014-01-13T03:46:16","date_gmt":"2014-01-13T08:46:16","guid":{"rendered":"\/news\/?p=45062"},"modified":"2014-01-12T15:51:21","modified_gmt":"2014-01-12T20:51:21","slug":"your-life-is-over-when-you-have-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/your-life-is-over-when-you-have-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Your life is over when you have kids"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

I remember when we told people that my wife was pregnant with twins.\"twins\"<\/a><\/p>\n

There were plenty of handshakes, hugs, and congratulations. But I also heard this line quite a bit:<\/p>\n

\u201cOh man, your life is over!\u201d<\/p>\n

A common refrain, and one which all parents have heard expressed, in some variation or another, many times.<\/p>\n

Of course it\u2019s usually said with a smile and a laugh, but there\u2019s a message beneath the surface.<\/p>\n

Your life is over when you have kids. <\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been thinking about that statement a lot these past few days. Anyone who follows me on Facebook (find me here<\/a>, by the way) has been treated (subjected) to the stories of our trials and tribulations as we have attempted to move from Kentucky to Maryland with our two kids, two cats (unfortunately), all of our belongings, and all during the holidays, in between family reunions, baptisms, and weddings.<\/p>\n

Despite a serious flood in the living room from a cracked pipe, this week we finally thought we could settle down, put the finishing touches on the house, and carve out a new routine in our new home.<\/p>\n

But the twins made other arrangements.<\/p>\n

Luke came down with a bad stomach virus. He\u2019s spent the last few days expelling fluids from various orifices, usually all over my wife or myself. Meanwhile, Julia developed a respiratory infection, which she kindly shared with poor, sickly Luke.<\/p>\n

When it pukes, it pours \u2014 especially if you have small children in the house.<\/p>\n

We took them to the doctor, despite the fact that I am newly self employed, and getting insurance on the individual market is now virtually impossible, thanks to the compassionate Mr. Obama and his wonderful \u201chealthcare for everyone.\u201d We\u2019ve decided to go with a Christian sharing plan, but, naturally, the kids became ill before we could finalize our new insurance coverage.<\/p>\n

It was an adventure in and of itself finding a place to take the kids. When we did, the doctor informed us that there\u2019s nothing she can really do. These things will have to just run their course. That\u2019ll be 400 dollars. Have a nice day!<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, but we did find out about Julia\u2019s ear infection, so the trip wasn\u2019t a total bust! (Hooray?)<\/p>\n

\"priceless<\/a>I went to put Luke down to bed after we made it home from our productive trip to the doctor\u2019s office. I feel sorry for the little guy. He\u2019s in rough shape, and it\u2019s not like he understands what\u2019s going on, why he feels this way, or why that doctor was shoving things into his mouth and ears. I leaned over to kiss him on the forehead as I placed him in his crib. It was a sweet moment. Right up until he coughed phlegm right on my face. It even went up my nose. UP MY NOSE. I\u2019ve never had somebody else\u2019s mucus inside my nostrils, and I wish to God that particular streak was never broken.<\/p>\n

That night, the kids woke themselves up coughing every 45 minutes. I think I slept at some point, but I\u2019m not sure. Today, I sat down in my office intending to write a post about the Chris Christie scandal, but I was too tired to put my thoughts together. I started to send some emails instead, and I fell asleep mid-type. I was having those weird awake-dreams you have when you\u2019re sleep deprived. I think Bill Paxton showed up in one of them, or maybe Twister was on TV.<\/p>\n

In any case, if we\u2019re swapping parenting horror stories, I\u2019m sure many of you could easily outdo this little tale of sickness, exhaustion, and Bill Paxton. It\u2019s run-of-the-mill. Totally unremarkable.<\/p>\n

And so is this revelation:<\/p>\n

Your life is over when you have kids.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s true. They were right. It\u2019s over.<\/p>\n

My life is over now that I have kids.<\/p>\n

My<\/em> life is over.<\/p>\n

That thing that I called MY life. That portion of existence \u2014 that long, lonely chapter \u2014 when I lived for me, and me alone. That delusion known as my life<\/em>, where I exerted, or thought I exerted, ownership over my whole self. Where I separated my life from all other lives, and lived to satisfy my whims and desires.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s over. That\u2019s all over.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not automatic, of course. I\u2019m a fool, so I thought there would be a sudden transformation from Selfish Matt to Generous, Selfless Matt. I thought the moment my kids emerged from my wife\u2019s body, I\u2019d instantly morph into a mystical creature known as \u201cDad,\u201d and my old habits and old self-obsessions would magically evaporate. I thought that the first time our kids woke us up crying in the middle of the night, I\u2019d leap out of bed with a smile, prance over to them, and sing a song of comfort and reassurance. \u201cEverything is OK children: Dad is here! I shall tend to your needs with happiness in my heart and joy radiating from my inner being!\u201d<\/p>\n

But the kids cried that first night after they were born. And I was tired, frustrated, and irritated that first night after they were born. And then I felt guilty for being tired, frustrated, and irritated. I don\u2019t think I pranced or sang at all, in fact.<\/p>\n

So I\u2019m learning this lesson. I\u2019m learning it slowly. There\u2019s no other way to do it. I don\u2019t get to cut to a whimsical montage full of slapstick parental mishaps, ending with a pithy slogan where I say what I\u2019ve learned, and then we all live happily ever after. It doesn\u2019t work that way. I\u2019ve got to earn it, one sleepless, vomit-soaked night at a time.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not living for me anymore. I never should have lived just for me, but now I can\u2019t<\/em>. Either I become less selfish, or I fail in my duty as a parent. There is no middle ground.<\/p>\n

Maybe it could be said that parenting requires you to be the sort of person you always should have been. After all, my life was never really my<\/em> life, anyway. I never owned it. It never belonged to me. There are only two things you can do to proclaim final ownership of yourself: commit suicide, or go to hell. That\u2019s the horrifying irony of hell: countless souls, tormented in the Nothingness, shouting \u201cMINE\u201d into the abyss, forever.<\/p>\n

Parenting is the precise opposite of both decisions. Parenting requires you to live, and to live for something greater than yourself. In fact, it requires you to redefine and repurpose your concept of self.<\/p>\n

Surely, that doesn\u2019t mean that I have no identity, or that I shouldn\u2019t take time to unwind, or that I shouldn\u2019t be sure to step away from the kids sometimes and take my wife out on a date. I learned the importance of these things from my parents. Mom and Dad were, and still are, famous for their rigorous adherence to date night. It could have been flooding during a hurricane during an asteroid strike during a zombie attack during an alien invasion \u2014 if it happened on a Friday, you better believe that Mom and Dad were still going out to Bertucci\u2019s and coming home with a movie to watch together. They put each other first, and then the kids. One day, during my teenage years, when I was trying to play my Mom against my Dad to get something that I wanted, or to get out of some trouble I was in, my Mom finally even told me as much: \u201cMatt, you\u2019ll never get me to turn against your dad. He\u2019s my first priority. Not you.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was a tough pill to swallow, but my parents were willing to give out the harsh medicine when the situation called for it.<\/p>\n

So I get it. My kids aren\u2019t my life. But I\u2019m<\/em> not my life, either. I was at one time, or I thought I was, but not anymore. And their lives are eternally tied to mine, and mine to their, and every decision that I make will have an impact on them, for better or for worse. This is a responsibility that I must always<\/em> keep in mind, all of the time, no matter what.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not my life. It\u2019s hers, it\u2019s his, it\u2019s theirs, it\u2019s ours. Ultimately, it\u2019s His, and He has given it to them. So my life \u2014 MY life \u2014 is over.<\/p>\n

This is true. This is beautiful. This is why parenting is a high calling.<\/p>\n

\"birthparents\"<\/a>And this is exactly why our society hates children.<\/p>\n

No matter what anyone else says, THIS is why we\u2019re experiencing historically low birth rates. It\u2019s got nothing to do with an economic crisis, and everything to do with a selfishness crisis. This is why we dehumanize children, kill them, exterminate them. This is why we have less of them, and why we call birth control a \u201cpreventative medication.\u201d It\u2019s why couples who choose (note: I said CHOOSE) not to have kids will often refer to themselves as \u201cchild-free\u201d \u2014 much like a recovering patient might call himself cancer-free.<\/p>\n

We run around putting \u201cmy\u201d in front of things that cannot be ours. It\u2019s MY time, MY life, MY body.<\/em> And then we conceive a child and we simply can not let go of the \u201cMY.\u201d Barney and Mr. Rogers failed in their mission to teach us about sharing. We kill a million babies a year just because we don\u2019t want to share.<\/p>\n

These are the truths I\u2019m still learning, and still sometimes struggling to accept. It\u2019s a long process. My kids are just starting to learn how to crawl. I guess you could say the same about me.<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: This article was first printed on The Matt Walsh blog<\/a> on January 10, 2014, and is reprinted with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I remember when we told people that my wife was pregnant with twins. There were plenty of handshakes, hugs, and congratulations. But I also heard this line quite a bit: \u201cOh man, your life is over!\u201d A common refrain, and one which all parents have heard expressed, in some variation or another, many times. Of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":221,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nYour life is over when you have kids - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/your-life-is-over-when-you-have-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Your life is over when you have kids - Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I remember when we told people that my wife was pregnant with twins. There were plenty of handshakes, hugs, and congratulations. 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