{"id":44773,"date":"2014-01-03T20:11:00","date_gmt":"2014-01-04T01:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"\/news\/?p=44773"},"modified":"2014-01-03T15:49:34","modified_gmt":"2014-01-03T20:49:34","slug":"my-story-of-finding-forgiveness-after-being-conceived-in-rape","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/my-story-of-finding-forgiveness-after-being-conceived-in-rape\/","title":{"rendered":"My story of finding forgiveness after being conceived in rape"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-44795\" style=\"margin-left: 15px; \" alt=\"monica-kelsey\" src=\"\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey.jpg\" width=\"350\" height=\"262\" srcset=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey.jpg 350w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey-300x224.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>When I discovered that I was conceived in rape, the uncontrollable emotions of anger and hatred filled my body for several months on into years.\u00a0 I was literally \u201cout to get\u201d my birthfather and wanted to \u201cmake him pay\u201d for what he had done to my birthmother.\u00a0 As I learned to cope with and accept the truth, I eventually realized that the only way for me to be at peace was through forgiveness.\u00a0Forgiving my birthfather for the circumstances of my conception has proven to be one of the most difficult and emotional periods in my life. Only through the grace of God and the support of my husband was I able to accomplish this.<\/p>\n<p>On a cold morning in January, I made a surprise phone call to my birthmother hoping to reconnect and answer questions that I have had for many years.\u00a0 A few hours later my husband and I were making the three hour trip in the snow to visit the woman that placed me up for adoption 37 years prior. It was an amazing reunion and she was absolutely beautiful in every single way.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>After visiting with her for a while, as I was holding my husband\u2019s hand, I asked her \u201cWho is my birthfather?\u201d \u00a0The look on her face is one I will never forget.\u00a0 Her eyes squinted and an instant look of sadness had overcome her. \u00a0After a long uncomfortable silence, nothing prepared me for what I heard next.\u00a0 It was like watching a movie about someone else&#8217;s life. \u00a0My birthmother began to tell me about a dark night in 1972 where she was brutally raped and left along the side of the road to die. \u00a0My heart sank as she was telling me this horrible story.\u00a0 I could not immediately comprehend that she was describing the circumstances of my conception and I kept asking myself \u201cWhat does this have to do with me?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My husband\u2019s hand started to grab my hand a little bit tighter. \u00a0She went on to say her mother took her to the hospital and then to the police station to press charges. \u00a0Her life was in a total tail spin and she was quickly falling into a depression. \u00a0Then a few weeks later her worst nightmare come true.\u00a0 She found out she was pregnant with me. \u00a0As my birthmother sat in her living room telling me the graphic details I started to wonder how anyone could do this to another human being. \u00a0How could this man, or monster was a better word, force a woman against her will?<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-44796\" style=\"margin-left: 20px;\" alt=\"monica-kelsey1\" src=\"\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey1.jpg\" width=\"330\" height=\"330\" srcset=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey1.jpg 330w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/monica-kelsey1-300x300.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 330px) 100vw, 330px\" \/>With advice from her mother, she went to a back alley abortion clinic hoping to &#8220;get her life back&#8221; and to forget what had happened.\u00a0 After showing up to this &#8220;so called&#8221; clinic and while standing in front of the man who was going to take my life, she changed her mind.\u00a0 She left the clinic and never looked back. \u00a0Her mother hid her from the outside world, she gave birth to me and never even looked at me. \u00a0She didn&#8217;t even know if I was a boy or girl. \u00a0At this point, I was so angry with this man who raped her, I didn\u2019t even truly understand that he was my biological father. \u00a0That shock finally hit me for a few days later.<\/p>\n<p>After accepting the truth I grew more and more angry with my biological father for what he had done. \u00a0My birthmother fell into a deep depression which led to alcohol and drug abuse for many years.\u00a0\u00a0I wanted revenge on\u00a0my birthfather\u00a0for his mistreatment of my birthmother and these emotions eventually consumed my life for many months.<\/p>\n<p>My birthmother passed away in March of 2013.\u00a0 In one of my final conversations with her, I asked how she had felt about my birthfather. \u00a0Her response was shocking to me. She said &#8220;I had forgiven him a long time ago, he doesn&#8217;t control me anymore&#8221;. \u00a0She went on to say that he had controlled her life for so many years and she was finally strong enough to take her life back.\u00a0 She then said something that I will never forget. She said &#8220;you need to forgive him and free yourself also&#8221;. \u00a0I smiled after she said this statement, for no other reason than the fact that she knew her daughter and she knew I was hurting.<\/p>\n<p>Today, I live my life free and realize that forgiveness is the path to righteousness. \u00a0I pray for him and his family as well. \u00a0We all fall short of the glory of God sometimes and it&#8217;s an absolute blessing that we all have the power to repent because Jesus died for all of us, even my birthfather. \u00a0My birthmother once told me &#8220;it&#8217;s amazing how something so beautiful has come out of something so horrible&#8221;. I couldn&#8217;t agree more. God sometimes uses our deepest pain to be the launching pad to our greatest calling. \u00a0I am confident that many babies will have a birthday because of my birthmothers\u2019 story and my courage to tell it!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I discovered that I was conceived in rape, the uncontrollable emotions of anger and hatred filled my body for several months on into years.\u00a0 I was literally \u201cout to get\u201d my birthfather and wanted to \u201cmake him pay\u201d for what he had done to my birthmother.\u00a0 As I learned to cope with and accept [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":191,"featured_media":44796,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My story of finding forgiveness after being conceived in rape - 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