{"id":41072,"date":"2013-09-26T08:33:35","date_gmt":"2013-09-26T12:33:35","guid":{"rendered":"\/news\/?p=41072"},"modified":"2013-09-26T03:36:12","modified_gmt":"2013-09-26T07:36:12","slug":"birthdays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/birthdays\/","title":{"rendered":"Should-have-been birthdays"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

\"HannahAs summer turns to autumn and the leaves on the trees begin changing hues and the air gets a bit cooler, my heart remembers. This is the time of year I\u00a0should\u00a0have welcomed my first child into the world. He\u00a0should\u00a0be turning four this year, as he\u00a0was due\u00a0at the end of September or beginning of October.<\/p>\n

He should be playing, laughing, learning, growing, and\u00a0a part of my every day. I should be\u00a0baking\u00a0a birthday cake with four candles to be blown out. The day should be full of balloons, presents, and all things related to a\u00a0little boy’s birthday.<\/p>\n

Instead, I must carry the weight of his absence for the rest of my days on earth. I carry the grief over losing him and knowing he\u00a0should be here, bringing joy and beauty to this world, had it not been for a\u00a0sinful\u00a0decision I made. Regret\u00a0barely conveys\u00a0the depth of my\u00a0profound\u00a0emotion. At times\u00a0over\u00a0the past four years, the\u00a0deep\u00a0grief and sorrow has threatened to consume me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

If I had not taken the RU-486 pill on February 6, 2009 at 6 weeks gestation, I would have a four-year-old now.\u00a0Although it\u00a0was too early to know for sure he was a boy, I\u00a0believe\u00a0God has revealed that\u00a0knowledge\u00a0to me. A son whom I\u2019ve named Luke Shiloh, meaning \u201clight and peace\u201d because God has brought light in the midst of the deepest darkness and peace to my wounded and aching heart.<\/p>\n

I was distraught as my baby grew, distraught as I took that little pill that I thought would \u201cfix things\u201d and distraught\u00a0afterwards. I did not fight for my baby\u2019s life, like a mother should. I did not place his life before my desperate thoughts of self-preservation. I was deceived into thinking he was not really a baby yet at that gestation, so what I was doing was perfectly okay.<\/p>\n

A fog settles in on my heart around this time of year, just as a thick fog settles on a city on a cold, rainy day. I don’t quite know how to picture how\u00a0my Luke would\u00a0look, who he\u00a0would\u00a0have grown to be by now.\u00a0Each time I try to imagine, it seems just out of my grasp, like how a dream feels when you’re waking up and trying to remember what you were dreaming of.\u00a0Healing has taken place. But, the\u00a0\u2018what-ifs’ remain. What would my baby be like today if I had chosen LIFE? What color would his eyes\u00a0be … would he like\u00a0trains\u00a0<\/i>or\u00a0dinosaurs …\u00a0<\/i>what shape would his nose have … what would his first word have been … who would he\u00a0be growing up to be … a mighty man of God … a voice for unborn life …<\/p>\n

When I made “the choice” that should never have been mine to make,\u00a0nobody ever told me about\u00a0how each year, I would\u00a0ponder what might have been.<\/p>\n

It is my prayer that in being honest about the devastating reality of abortion and how it\u2019s a decision that impacts the rest of one\u2019s life, other women will not buy into the lie that it\u2019s the quick fix to a tough situation. The challenges of an unintended pregnancy are temporary, but the scar of abortion lasts a lifetime.\u00a0I shudder at the thought that anyone else\u00a0live through\u00a0the \u201cshould-have-been birthdays\u201d and other painful anniversary dates.<\/p>\n

But, for those of us who did believe abortion to be the easy fix and must go on without our babies, I\u00a0declare this –\u00a0there is healing and hope to be found after your child is gone.\u00a0You can never have your child back, but his\/her life can make an impact on this world! For the men and women who\u00a0cannot\u00a0undo their\u00a0devastating\u00a0\u201cchoice,\u201d it is my hope and prayer that through our stories, others will choose LIFE. This is a call to action \u2013 we must stand up and be willing to share the truth of how abortion hurts everyone involved. We must be the voice\u00a0for\u00a0our children who\u00a0lost their\u00a0voice.\u00a0We must sound the alarm on their behalf.<\/p>\n

I would\u00a0give anything to go back and embrace Luke Shiloh\u2019s life, but since I cannot, I will live with\u00a0this profound loss\u00a0forever.\u00a0The grief I feel is hardly as big as the love.<\/i>\u00a0This\u00a0abiding\u00a0love I have for my baby knows no bounds.\u00a0My heart is broken that I discovered this love too late. Nonetheless,\u00a0I have\u00a0hope in the assurance that I will know him in eternity\u00a0in a way that I never would have here.\u00a0It brings me great joy to tell others of his valuable life and the beauty God has wrought\u00a0in me due to his precious life. God has\u00a0placed within\u00a0me a passion and purpose\u00a0because of him<\/i>…<\/p>\n

If you are\u00a0in search of\u00a0a way to honor your lost baby on what would have been their birthday, consider lighting\u00a0a candle, writing them a letter, naming him\/her, having a balloon release, or getting a name plate for them at the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I have found it\u00a0crucial on my\u00a0journey towards healing\u00a0to take active steps to honor, remember, and celebrate Luke Shiloh.<\/p>\n

The words from Flipsyde\u2019s song \u201cHappy Birthday,\u201d about his\u00a0aborted\u00a0child, resound in my head during this time each year\u2026 \u201cHappy birthday, Luke Shiloh, I love you, whoever you would\u00a0have been.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though he went to Heaven before taking his first breath, my precious child’s life is worthy of celebration; so in his honor each year, I will bake him that birthday cake.<\/p>\n

You can follow my journey at\u00a0www.facebook.com\/HannahRoseAllen<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As summer turns to autumn and the leaves on the trees begin changing hues and the air gets a bit cooler, my heart remembers. This is the time of year I\u00a0should\u00a0have welcomed my first child into the world. He\u00a0should\u00a0be turning four this year, as he\u00a0was due\u00a0at the end of September or beginning of October. He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":175,"featured_media":16400,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nShould-have-been birthdays - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/birthdays\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Should-have-been birthdays - Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As summer turns to autumn and the leaves on the trees begin changing hues and the air gets a bit cooler, my heart remembers. This is the time of year I\u00a0should\u00a0have welcomed my first child into the world. 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