{"id":315371,"date":"2024-07-10T16:48:15","date_gmt":"2024-07-10T21:48:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=315371"},"modified":"2024-07-10T13:15:51","modified_gmt":"2024-07-10T18:15:51","slug":"daughter-miscarried-14-weeks-human-value-purpose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/daughter-miscarried-14-weeks-human-value-purpose\/","title":{"rendered":"My daughter, miscarried at 14 weeks, taught me that every human being has value and purpose"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the guest author.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

King Leonidas was in his sixties when he led his 300 Spartans into battle at the Gates of Thermopolye. Susan Boyle was 48 when she began her singing career. Audie Murphy was 19 when he held off an entire company of German soldiers by himself, earning a Medal of Honor. Tiger Woods was two when he began playing golf.<\/span><\/p>\n

Age is a funny thing. Every stage of our lives is unique, offering fresh and often startlingly different perspectives. And yet, it is still us. We can remember thoughts we had as toddlers, plans we made as teens, ideas that made us so thoroughly ourselves from as far back as we can remember \u2013 and if we have parents who were writing down stories, even earlier than that.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bargaining with God<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was 30 the first time I ever felt old. I had to dig a grave for my miscarried daughter, Avery, who was 14 weeks, 3 days old in the womb when she passed away from unknown causes. They usually can\u2019t tell you why, and you\u2019re left wondering if you did something wrong, if you shouldn\u2019t have taken your wife to that restaurant, or if you should have insisted she rest more, or if there was some way you could have pitched in more \u2014\u00a0but there is no answer, because it\u2019s just something that happens in around 10% of pregnancies.<\/span><\/p>\n

So there I was, digging in hard, near-frozen dirt with a post-hole digger, and suddenly it was like the weight of every year I\u2019d lived was on my shoulders. Watching my wife grieve was difficult. It had to have been even harder for her, having carried our daughter for that all-too-short a period of time. The sobs of a mother who\u2019s lost a child are difficult to describe, and there aren\u2019t any words to make it better \u2013 just arms to hold, shoulders to cry on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We had two other kids at the time, and they\u2019re best friends. They bring so much joy to our lives, and it especially warms our hearts to see how they have taken to each other as partners in crime, companions, and teammates. Avery was supposed to be the third part of the gang, but it wasn\u2019t to be, I guess. <\/span><\/p>\n

I remember after I\u2019d come out of denial, that I tried to bargain with God. I\u2019d never been in real denial before \u2013 \u201cNo, that midwife with 15 years of experience doesn\u2019t know what she\u2019s talking about. I saw her move in the ultrasound. The baby\u2019s fine.\u201d And subsequently, I don\u2019t know that I\u2019d ever really hit the \u201cbargaining stage\u201d either. But when I did, I earnestly told God that I\u2019d give up all of my dreams, all of my aspirations creatively and in my career and financially if I could have my daughter live. I meant it. <\/span><\/p>\n

That wasn\u2019t a deal that God was going to take, as it turns out, and we walked through the grief together.<\/span><\/p>\n

She looked like me<\/strong><\/p>\n

My wife passed our baby naturally, and so we were able to see her body in the funeral home before taking her home to be buried. She was 14 weeks, 3 days \u2014 just shy of the 15-week marker of the “abortion bans” that have so many people up in arms. So I mention her age here, because when I held my daughter, I could see that she looked like me.<\/span><\/p>\n

She had the slightly upturned nose from her mother\u2019s side, that all of our kids have in their ultrasounds \u2013 and absent from others I\u2019ve seen of friends\u2019 children. And she had long legs, shaped so much like mine that my wife gasped and pointed out the similarity immediately.<\/span><\/p>\n

Going back generations on my side of the family, we cross our legs, even as young kids and babies. As the story goes, I famously crossed my legs in the car seat on the ride home from the hospital (and my two oldest children did as well). My grandfather did it, my father did it, I did it \u2014\u00a0and when Avery died, and her position was frozen in place, it was apparent that she crossed her legs, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had been a passionate supporter of the right to life for a long time before, but this experience made it deeply personal. Even since Roe<\/em> was overturned, children my daughter\u2019s age are still able to be legally aborted in many states throughout the union.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m willing to bet that they look like their mothers and fathers, too.<\/span><\/p>\n