{"id":305800,"date":"2024-01-26T16:40:09","date_gmt":"2024-01-26T22:40:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=305800"},"modified":"2024-01-25T13:24:53","modified_gmt":"2024-01-25T19:24:53","slug":"grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8216;Why was I allowed to live?&#8217; The many facets of grieving an aborted sibling"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p><i>Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the guest author.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sadly, with an <a href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/unfathomable-abortions-estimated-since-roe\/\">estimated 63 million abortions<\/a> in our country, many are suffering the loss of a sibling through abortion \u2014\u00a0sometimes multiple losses.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe the mom had an abortion in her youth, and perhaps the dad as well, or maybe together they made the decision to end the pregnancy. No matter what the circumstances, this loss brings up a barrage of feelings for the surviving child whether they were born before or after the abortion.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>Why was I allowed to live? Would my name be the same if those other children were not aborted? Was I wanted?<\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also not unusual for a sibling to attempt to protect the mom who has aborted a child, sometimes guarding the secret from the dad who does not know about his wife\u2019s prior abortion. Other times, they hold in questions they may have for fear of causing more pain to the parents they love.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;M.R.&#8221;, a sibling from our ministry, shared with others who have experienced the loss of a sibling to abortion:<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As a sibling of a child who was aborted, how many of the thoughts common to a pregnant woman do you recognize as your own in the italicized statements:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cNo one will help me; I will be alone in raising this baby\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I am and will always be alone in my struggles<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI have to get this abortion done secretly because no one must know about the pregnancy\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I must hide my struggles; no one will care or understand<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cMy baby\u2019s father doesn\u2019t care enough to take care of me\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The most important person in my life won\u2019t care about me<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cMy baby\u2019s father doesn\u2019t care about our baby\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can\u2019t entrust the person closest to me with important things<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWe need to abort because the baby has Down\u2019s Syndrome\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You must be perfect to deserve being alive, otherwise you&#8217;re better off dead<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThe happenings in the world are too crazy to have a child right now\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The world is fundamentally dangerous and will eliminate the weak and vulnerable, so I must be strong<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIt\u2019s not a great time to have a baby for us right now; we\u2019ll wait until we can accept a baby with open arms\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You must be wanted by someone to deserve to be alive; otherwise, you\u2019re better off dead<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI was just going to start a new job\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You must not take risks for people; they will ruin your life and security<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI don\u2019t want to have a child with someone who doesn\u2019t love me\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If someone doesn\u2019t love me or support me, I will hurt myself and others to get even with them)<\/span><\/i><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThe father of my baby is abusive, so I can\u2019t have his child\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I must control what is not in my authority to prevent being hurt<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI didn\u2019t want to get an abortion, but my boyfriend told me I had to or else he\u2019d break up with me\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I must go against my own instincts to appease the ones I love or else I\u2019ll be abandoned<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIf I have a baby out of wedlock, my family will be so ashamed\u201d (<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The regard of others close to me is more important than my own principles or self-respect<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How many of you siblings of aborted children identify with the italicized statements? Have you perhaps always had these beliefs, and not known why? Perhaps your parents were loving, and you are a capable, talented adult. Or perhaps you were a child with promise but were never able to translate that potential into adulthood. Deep down, have you always felt an irrational, fundamental fear of the world and a doomed sense of its lack of love that you could not explain?<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As a sibling of an aborted child, I know I identified with every single one of those statements. I grew up with a heaviness, a burden that people could actually see, a sadness that everyone picked up on and drew away from. It wasn\u2019t until my mid-thirties that my mother told us about her abortion and going on an Entering Canaan Sibling\u2019s Retreat where I met others with such unexplained sadness, that I started putting the puzzle together, and the healing started to unfold. One of the facets of that healing is untangling yourself from the unhealthy facets of your mother\u2019s emotional paradigm\u2014one which you unwittingly took on in order to attach with your primary caregiver.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I hope it goes without saying that this is not an excuse to blame or demonize mothers; rather, it is an opportunity to differentiate yourself from your mother\u2019s emotions. Her natural responses and emotions come from a specific set of experiences that you (hopefully) have not had to experience; only she is capable of dealing with. Children do NOT have a mystical assignment to bear their parents\u2019 miseries.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if you have yourself had an abortion, the willingness to heal and develop self-awareness, as well as the fact that you are individuals living completely different lives, also makes your experience and emotional field distinct from your mother\u2019s.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your world doesn\u2019t have to be defined by the beliefs that your wounded, post-abortive mother adopted in order to survive any difficult experiences or circumstances that she had. By leaning into your baptism and with the help of the Holy Spirit, your thoughts and beliefs can align more with the fundamental security you deserve as an adopted child of God!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The impact of abortion on siblings is just beginning to reach the mainstream pro-life movement as they learn their feelings are not unusual and countless others are experiencing the same questions and emotions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-305805\" src=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Sibling-retreat-flyer-495x700.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"495\" height=\"700\" srcset=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Sibling-retreat-flyer-495x700.jpg 495w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Sibling-retreat-flyer-212x300.jpg 212w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Sibling-retreat-flyer-768x1086.jpg 768w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Sibling-retreat-flyer-500x707.jpg 500w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Sibling-retreat-flyer.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 495px) 100vw, 495px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For the past 12 years we have been holding <a href=\"http:\/\/www.enteringcanaan.com\/\">Entering Canaan healing retreats<\/a> for siblings of aborted babies. These retreats address issues specific to siblings and provide a safe environment to express the many dynamics they are experiencing while providing conferences, spiritual direction, the sacraments, and community. There is no cost for the retreat and if needed we will assist with travel costs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We are a country of the walking wounded who oftentimes are trying to make sense of their lives without the support they need to understand the implications of being a surviving sibling. As we forge forward in working for an end to all abortion, may we compassionately reach out to those whose lives have been impacted by this loss to help them receive the healing that is waiting for them in Christ.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bio: Theresa Bonopartis is the d<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">irector<\/span> of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.portabortionhelp.org\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lumina\/Hope &amp; Healing after Abortion<\/span><\/a> and c<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">o-developer of <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.enteringcanaan.com\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Entering Canaan: A sacramental Journey to an Inheritance of Mercy<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/tell-congress-stop-the-doj-from-targeting-pro-life-americans\/?utm_campaign=doj_petition&amp;utm_medium=lan_website\"><b><i>The DOJ put a pro-life grandmother in jail this Christmas for protesting the killing of preborn children. Please take 30-seconds to TELL CONGRESS: STOP THE DOJ FROM TARGETING PRO-LIFE AMERICANS.<\/i><\/b><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the guest author.\u00a0 Sadly, with an estimated 63 million abortions in our country, many are suffering the loss of a sibling through abortion \u2014\u00a0sometimes multiple losses. Maybe the mom had an abortion in her youth, and perhaps the dad as well, or maybe [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":612,"featured_media":294570,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[7077],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>&#039;Why was I allowed to live?&#039; The many facets of grieving an aborted sibling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As a sibling of a child who was aborted, how many of these thoughts common to a pregnant woman do you recognize as your own?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"&#039;Why was I allowed to live?&#039; The many facets of grieving an aborted sibling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As a sibling of a child who was aborted, how many of these thoughts common to a pregnant woman do you recognize as your own?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/liveaction\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-01-26T22:40:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-01-25T19:24:53+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/GettyImages-1324016554-crib-empty.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"650\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Theresa Bonopartis\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@liveaction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@liveaction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Theresa Bonopartis\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Theresa Bonopartis\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#\/schema\/person\/8295b6df70771f4f2181a59f97ecde21\"},\"headline\":\"&#8216;Why was I allowed to live?&#8217; The many facets of grieving an aborted sibling\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-01-26T22:40:09+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-01-25T19:24:53+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/\"},\"wordCount\":1179,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Guest Column\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/grieve-siblings-lost-abortion-healing\/\",\"name\":\"'Why was I allowed to live?' 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