{"id":284791,"date":"2023-02-12T15:00:31","date_gmt":"2023-02-12T21:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=284791"},"modified":"2023-02-09T21:21:11","modified_gmt":"2023-02-10T03:21:11","slug":"suppressed-truth-abortions-grief-overwhelmed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/suppressed-truth-abortions-grief-overwhelmed\/","title":{"rendered":"She suppressed the truth of her abortions for years, but eventually grief overwhelmed her"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

In<\/span> her memoir<\/span><\/a>, post-abortive author Sandra L. Linley discusses her two abortions and the emotional trauma they caused her.<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley was raised in a religious home and was taught that abortion was wrong. But as a young woman, she faced an unplanned pregnancy while living with a man she calls Raymond.<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley didn\u2019t want an abortion. But Raymond urged her to have one. Linley says:<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to be pregnant, but I had no intentions of aborting my baby. When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he asked me to have an abortion. He told me everything was going to be alright, that this was the best thing to do and that we would have kids when the time was right\u2026<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Because I loved him so much, I didn\u2019t argue about it; I agreed to abort our child.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

She and Raymond never discussed the abortion again. The couple later married and Linley gave birth to a son, but the relationship ended in divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n

Another unplanned pregnancy and a secret abortion<\/span><\/h3>\n

Linley later moved in with another man whom she calls Larry. Linley didn\u2019t intend to have a long-term relationship with Larry, and he eventually moved out. Only then did she find out that she was pregnant again.<\/span><\/p>\n

She briefly considered making an adoption plan. But she was afraid the child might come looking for her years later, and worried about problems that might cause. She says, \u201cI was thinking of myself and didn\u2019t want to be faced with that one day.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley knew Larry would want the baby and would want to be involved in his son or daughter\u2019s life. She says, \u201cLarry would have never agreed to his child being adopted anyway. He didn\u2019t have any children, but it wasn\u2019t because he didn\u2019t want any.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley knew Larry would also never agree to an abortion. Therefore, she never told him she was pregnant. She arranged a secret abortion without his knowledge, never giving him a chance to influence the decision \u2014\u00a0and he never knew he\u2019d lost his child.<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley says that at the abortion facility, \u201cI convinced myself that I really wasn\u2019t carrying a life at eight weeks\u2026 I tried to come up with anything and everything to justify that what I was doing was the best option for me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A delayed emotional reaction<\/span><\/h3>\n

Linley felt relieved after the abortion and experienced no emotional trauma at first\u2014but that would change. For over five years, she went about her life as normal. But then, the impact of the two abortions hit her. She says, \u201cApproximately six years later, the impact of what I had done hit me like a ton of bricks.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley\u2019s experience shows that post-abortion trauma can be a delayed reaction, and negative feelings can surface later in life. Some women may not seem affected by an abortion initially, but experience intense feelings of grief, regret, loss, and guilt years later.<\/span><\/p>\n

She later married again and had two other children, besides the son she already had. But her abortions continued to haunt her. From the outside, her life looked good \u2014 she had achieved her goals. <\/span><\/p>\n

She says, \u201cOne might say I should be happy, everything has worked out as planned. Why should I regret the decisions I\u2019ve made in my life? To this very day, I have had many sleepless nights, waking with the thought of what I did.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley began thinking about her abortions frequently. She recalls waking up in the middle of the night and seeing a shadow on her bedroom wall, which resembled a person holding a baby. She continued seeing this shadow for months, experiencing a type of hallucination which caused her anxiety, trauma, and insomnia.<\/span><\/p>\n

But after she stopped seeing the shadow, her emotional trauma didn\u2019t go away. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been nine years since Linley\u2019s abortion, but her feelings of guilt and loss are still intense. She says, \u201cNot only did I not give my child a chance at life, but I robbed my other children of their brother or sister, my parents of their grandchild, my brothers and sisters of their niece or nephew.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Struggling with unanswered questions<\/span><\/h3>\n

She frequently wonders what her children would\u2019ve been like:<\/span><\/p>\n

Just thinking about the simple things I will never know has caused such inner turmoil: was it a boy or a girl? What kind of personality would he or she have had? What contributions would he or she have made to society?\u2026 [N]ow, I will never know what could have been.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Linley says she wonders if her children would have done great things if they had been born. She wonders if one of them would have found a cure for cancer or some other disease, become president, or become a missionary. Regardless of what achievements her children could have had, she would have been able to know and love them. All she\u2019s left with now are unanswered questions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Linley says:<\/span><\/p>\n

Although sometimes I feel I\u2019m not fit to live, I wear a happy face. But nobody knows what I\u2019ve done or what I\u2019m going through. I have been psychologically damaged by my choice and hear myself screaming on the inside.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Linley\u2019s story is one more example of post-abortion trauma. Like many other post-abortive women, she struggles with unresolved feelings of loss, grief, and guilt.<\/span><\/p>\n

Source: Sandra L Linley <\/span>The Choices We Make<\/span><\/i> (Lithonia, Georgia: Orman Press, 2004) 35-36, 30-31, 22, 31-32, 22<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Did you know that as little as $10 a month is enough to reach more than 3,000 people with the truth about abortion that no one else is telling them? Click here to start saving lives 365 days a year.<\/i><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In her memoir, post-abortive author Sandra L. Linley discusses her two abortions and the emotional trauma they caused her. Linley was raised in a religious home and was taught that abortion was wrong. But as a young woman, she faced an unplanned pregnancy while living with a man she calls Raymond. Linley didn\u2019t want an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":153,"featured_media":212761,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[9455],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nShe suppressed the truth of her abortions for years, but eventually grief overwhelmed her<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In her memoir, post-abortive author Sandra L. 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