{"id":260041,"date":"2022-01-01T15:43:55","date_gmt":"2022-01-01T21:43:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=260041"},"modified":"2022-01-05T15:41:35","modified_gmt":"2022-01-05T21:41:35","slug":"placed-son-adoption-21-years-felt-met","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/placed-son-adoption-21-years-felt-met\/","title":{"rendered":"I placed my son for adoption 20 years ago. Words can’t describe what I felt when we met."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author.<\/i><\/p>\n

At the age of 15, I became pregnant and chose life and adoption to give my son the life I never had and the family he deserved.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Even before I was pregnant, I knew that adoption was an act of love and found it fascinating how someone could become a parent because of the selfless act of someone else.\u00a0<\/span>After finding out I was pregnant and realizing I could not parent my child in my situation even if I wanted to, I decided to make the most out of the situation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My whole world was collapsing.\u00a0<\/span>The cocky young girl that thought she was invincible was gone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My religion looked down on pregnancy out of wedlock.\u00a0<\/span>And I knew what I had to do even in the midst of despair.\u00a0<\/span>I knew I could never offer my son what was rightfully his, a life full of opportunities.\u00a0<\/span>A home where both mom and dad wanted him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

READ:\u00a0Birth mother tells powerful story of open adoption: \u2018For the first time, I felt seen\u2019<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

My parents never supported my decision, because in my culture that is considered child abandonment.\u00a0<\/span>You never leave one of your kind behind.\u00a0<\/span>But I went ahead with the adoption process and stuck to it even though the father and half of my family didn\u2019t support it. I knew it in my heart it had to be this way.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The day of the adoption came.\u00a0<\/span>I found myself holding my baby, filled with confusion, indecision, and doubting myself\u00a0\u2014 a<\/span>bout to sign all my rights away to someone I hardly knew but who wanted a son so desperately.\u00a0<\/span>I had to step back and pray, because I could not physically sign the papers in the state of confusion and despair I was in.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I gave my baby to my sister and walked to another room.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Praying was hard. The voices in my head were so loud I could not get a sentence out.\u00a0<\/span>But I persisted, and finally\u2026 there was peace in my soul.\u00a0<\/span>I knew right then and there this was going to change lives\u00a0\u2014 n<\/span>ot only mine but the adoptive parents’… and most importantly, my son\u2019s life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I went ahead and signed the papers without hesitation. I k<\/span>issed my baby boy one last time, and w<\/span>alked to the adoptive mother and father anxiously awaiting their son.\u00a0<\/span>As I passed my baby to her, I could see and feel the joy in her as tears ran down her cheeks and\u00a0<\/span>she trembled ecstatically. Then, just as she said,\u00a0<\/span>\u201cHe\u2019s just like in my dreams!\u201d my world collapsed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The evident contrast of pain and joy was in that room.\u00a0<\/span>The pain of loss for one mother and the joy of another.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Just like in life, there is an opposite to everything. W<\/span>e must experience both pain and joy in life to know what real happiness is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For years, letters and pictures held this hole in my chest ever so present. And I watched him grow away from me, but was happy of the decision to choose to give him more.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n