{"id":228645,"date":"2020-08-12T18:37:23","date_gmt":"2020-08-12T23:37:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=228645"},"modified":"2020-08-12T01:16:00","modified_gmt":"2020-08-12T06:16:00","slug":"aborted-child-incest-deeply-mourn-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/aborted-child-incest-deeply-mourn-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"I aborted a child due to incest. To this day, I still deeply mourn the loss of my baby."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the author and are not necessarily reflective of Live Action or Live Action News.<\/em><\/p>\n

I had an abortion When I was 21. I did it out of fear because my child was conceived out of incest. To be honest, I am terrified writing about my experience now, even though it was in the past.<\/p>\n

When I was 17 years old, I moved back to the state where I was born. I hadn\u2019t really met any of my family, including my dad. I was really excited to see him because we only talked over the phone a few times a year. I had a bad home life with my mother so I went to go live with him. We would hang out often and sometimes would go to a family member’s house and smoke weed and drink alcohol.<\/p>\n

READ:\u00a0Conceived in rape and incest, blessed by adoption, and born with purpose<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

One night we didn\u2019t go back home and decided to walk to the park. Neither he nor I felt a “father-daughter” connection and he scooted in close to me and I laid my head on his chest. We kissed and that led to sex. After that he asked me if I loved him. I didn\u2019t know how I felt. I was confused, but for some reason, I said yes. I guess it felt like I should after what we had just done. After that we walked home holding hands and we were in a relationship.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know how to feel about it at first, but after a week of being with him, I fell in love with him. Nobody could ever change my mind at that point. It wasn\u2019t normal or healthy \u2014 I was obsessed.<\/p>\n

Throughout our relationship we went through so many crazy things together, and it only made me love him harder. Often, he would get really upset and he would hit me. I stayed with him because I was madly in love with him.<\/p>\n

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Dallas Rushing<\/p><\/div>\n

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I put up with being raped, beaten, and called “fat” and “ugly.” He would tell me that he hated my voice and that I was stupid because I couldn’t do simple math. I stayed because he would always apologize and everything would go back to normal. I was so in love with him that I believed he was my soulmate, and I let him own me. I stayed in that relationship for three years, and I can\u2019t even begin to explain all of the things that happened.<\/p>\n

One day I noticed some changes in my body and I took a pregnancy test. When the test came back positive I was afraid but happy too. I had really wanted a baby.<\/p>\n

I called him while he was at work and he didn\u2019t say much other than that we needed to find a solution. He didn\u2019t want to get caught and go to prison. A few weeks went by and he told me I needed to abort our child. I was afraid. I felt lost and confused. I didn\u2019t know the gender of my child but I guessed it was a boy. I loved my baby and I would often talk to him on the way to work while riding my bike. I was afraid of my dad because he would always beat me when he got mad or when I tried to have my own opinion. Out of fear, we chose abortion but couldn\u2019t afford it so we had to wait for our tax returns.<\/p>\n

One day he beat me so badly that I finally left for good. I was heartbroken, lost, confused, and afraid – and I still chose abortion. By the time I got my tax returns I was 14 weeks pregnant. That\u2019s when my baby left this world. I had to drive to Illinois to have a later term abortion. When I arrived, they gave me an ultrasound and wouldn\u2019t show me the picture. I actually wanted to see \u2014\u00a0maybe I would have changed my mind.<\/p>\n

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A preborn child at 14 weeks<\/p><\/div>\n

Next, they gave me a pill and told me to wait in the waiting room. I sat there holding my stomach. I was hoping I would feel a kick, and at one point I imagined I did. By the time I got in the Operating room I was freezing and my legs wouldn\u2019t stop shaking because I was shivering so much. The doctor told me to put my feet in the stirrups, but when my legs wouldn\u2019t stop shaking, the doctor got mad at me. She rudely told me to stop shaking. At the same time, the nurses were pumping a medicine into my arm and I quickly fell unconscious.<\/p>\n