{"id":225192,"date":"2020-06-11T12:59:57","date_gmt":"2020-06-11T17:59:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=225192"},"modified":"2020-06-10T18:26:00","modified_gmt":"2020-06-10T23:26:00","slug":"after-abortion-abyss-decades-healing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/after-abortion-abyss-decades-healing\/","title":{"rendered":"After my abortion, I fell into an abyss. Decades later, I finally found healing."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this guest post are solely those of the author and are not necessarily reflective of Live Action or Live Action News. This author has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.<\/em><\/p>\n

I met baby’s father in high school. Six months into our relationship, we started having premarital sex.\u00a0<\/span>We dated for almost two years, and I was nearing my time to graduate. I was 19 and had my own apartment, and was busy with all the preparation for the graduation ceremony and finals. One day, my baby’s father came to my apartment with another girl, so I broke up with him. T<\/span>wo weeks later, we got back together, and almost immediately, I became pregnant.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, this was not what I had planned at all. The father of my child was a cheater I could not trust. He hadn’t yet graduated high school, and\u00a0<\/span>I thought having an abortion would be best for both of us. Then none of our<\/span>\u00a0parents would ever have to know I got pregnant.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had the pregnancy test done at Planned Parenthood, and told an employee there that I was considering abortion. She told me she would set it up at the clinic in Peoria, Illinois. She even warned me that some women suffer mental health issues after abortion. I seriously considered that for one second, but then all the other excuses flooded my brain and crowded out her words.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I started having morning sickness at school and I was afraid people would start to talk. But one day, when I was actually settling\u00a0<\/span>into the idea of being pregnant, the phone rang. It was the abortion clinic. They told me they were ready to make the appointment. I said I needed more time to think about it. The lady told me that the further along you are\u2014the longer you wait\u2014the more in jeopardy you are. She kept saying that over and over. Finally I caved and made an appointment.<\/span><\/p>\n

READ:\u00a0Former Planned Parenthood workers: We coerced women into getting abortions<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

My baby’s father wasn’t able to take me, so his uncle and aunt took me. His aunt was actually pregnant, too, and had even agreed to raise our baby. I think my baby’s father had them take me in the hopes that I would change my mind on the way. He wanted our baby, and wanted his aunt and uncle to take it\u2014but I thought abortion was better for all of us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember I was scared driving up there. I was worried someone I knew might see me, and was worried the protesters would recognize me or I would be on TV. When I went inside, I was greeted by a woman at the counter, who told me how much the abortion would cost. It was more than I could afford, but I gave her the money. I didn\u2019t pay my rent that month. Once the money was laid down I kept thinking it’s too late now to turn back<\/em>. <\/span><\/p>\n

I went to\u00a0<\/span>a room where they checked for my baby’s heartbeat. I heard only a tiny snippet of a heartbeat, but I wasn\u2019t supposed to hear that. I asked if there would be a sonogram and she said there would be, but when I asked if I could see it, she said “We don\u2019t do that. It\u2019s only to see how far along you are.”<\/span><\/p>\n

I put on a gown and waited in a room with other girls. We were all scared. I finally asked an older girl if this was her first time. She said it was her seventh<\/em> abortion<\/span>! I thought, how does that happen?<\/em> Then it was my turn. I remember lying on a table. The doctor said he would tell me when he was about to begin. A nurse talked to me calmly and held my hand. <\/span><\/p>\n

I remember the sound of the suction machine, followed by the worst pain I ever felt in my life. I almost passed out, and the nurse patted my hand and spoke to me to wake me up. It felt like an eternity, and then it was done. I felt so empty inside. They took me to the \u201crecovery room\u201d and I sat on a comfy chair, but it wasn\u2019t long before they said I had to leave.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n