{"id":212746,"date":"2019-10-20T13:42:25","date_gmt":"2019-10-20T18:42:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=212746"},"modified":"2019-10-19T13:51:49","modified_gmt":"2019-10-19T18:51:49","slug":"miscarriage-minimized-because-abortion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/miscarriage-minimized-because-abortion\/","title":{"rendered":"Miscarriage is far too often minimized. Why? Because of abortion."},"content":{"rendered":"
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(Coffee, Kids, Create<\/a>) Today is World Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and like many, I sit here and remember my four lost pre-born babies.\u00a0 A couple of months ago I wrote candidly about my second miscarriage. You can read it here<\/a>. Today, I\u2019m writing with a bit more furor.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a staunch pro-lifer, and what I had been reading and hearing lately regarding abortion was weighing heavily on me.\u00a0 Angering me. The comparison to miscarriage and the medical language used to define miscarriage was making me crazy. I began to play over and over in my mind my four miscarriages, so I shared my story to help heal and to hopefully help someone else.\u00a0 I knew I couldn\u2019t be alone in my experience. Shortly after, I read an article on Live Action<\/a> explaining how abortion impacts miscarriage. Then it hit me.<\/p>\n

It hit me that I didn\u2019t write quite as candidly as I thought.\u00a0 It hit me that I was still reeling in anger and self-loathing. It hit me that change needs to happen.<\/p>\n

My second miscarriage was physically and emotionally traumatic.\u00a0 My baby died around ten weeks, but I didn\u2019t deliver him or her for another three.\u00a0 I was at home with three kids, went into labor, and bled profusely in the bathroom.\u00a0 There in the bathroom, in the toilet, I delivered my precious baby. What I only alluded to in my prior blog post, but will tell you now, is that I flushed the toilet.<\/p>\n

Candid enough?<\/p>\n

To finally put that in writing sickens me.\u00a0 I\u2019ve barely been able to say it out loud.<\/p>\n

At the time, I remember wondering What do I do?\u00a0 What do women do when this happens?<\/em>\u00a0 I also remembered the story of a family member who miscarried on the toilet some 25 years prior, but I never knew any other details.<\/p>\n

Knowing what I know now leaves me feeling guilty and awful and angry.<\/p>\n

How could I have done something so terrible?\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t I scoop out whatever was in that toilet and look for my baby?<\/p>\n

Because I was distraught emotionally and fading physically, not to mention uninformed.<\/p>\n

I keep saying uninformed.\u00a0 Let me explain. I\u2019m not a stupid woman.\u00a0 I knew the process of fetal development and read the fun updates from month to month and couldn\u2019t wait to see the size comparison to fruit.\u00a0 I also knew that, if a miscarriage were to happen, there would be blood and tissue and some cramping. Do you know why I knew that? Because that\u2019s the kind of vague information doctors give.\u00a0 That\u2019s the information you read on pregnancy websites.<\/p>\n

I needed to hear real talk.<\/p>\n

READ:\u00a0Meghan McCain shares heartbreak over miscarriage: \u2018We weep because our babies were real\u2019<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Do you know why women don\u2019t hear real talk?\u00a0 Because we live in a culture where life in utero is devalued.\u00a0 Where abortion is celebrated. And because of this, a pregnant woman anxiously waiting for the arrival of her precious bundle is not given the proper and necessary information of what to do if heartbreak strikes.<\/p>\n

Tell me, where is her information or her choice?\u00a0 The knowledge and choice that you can find your miscarried baby and hold your baby and give your baby a proper burial.\u00a0 That you can tell your baby, I love you<\/em>.\u00a0 That, yes, you can grieve for as long as necessary because no matter how far along, your baby was once alive.<\/p>\n

I was in an emergency room out of state with spotting when I was told that my baby had died, but that the act of miscarriage would happen naturally in the coming days or weeks.\u00a0 I was to expect some cramping and what would be like a heavy period. At no point did the doctor explain that cramping would resemble labor. Or that the heavy period could include an exorbitant amount of blood with clots and tissue.\u00a0 Or that a miscarriage is in fact a delivery. That I would deliver a baby.<\/p>\n

You may be thinking, well, yeah, everything in there comes out<\/em>.\u00a0 Sure, I knew that.\u00a0 Rationally, I knew that.\u00a0 When you\u2019re in the moment, you don\u2019t realize what is happening.\u00a0 You don\u2019t exactly think that a baby is somewhere in all that blood.\u00a0 Again, the cultural norm is that a baby doesn\u2019t exist, and even when a baby is wanted, when it\u2019s lost, it\u2019s just part of the bodily process, a \u201cclump of cells.\u201d<\/p>\n