{"id":188769,"date":"2018-09-30T16:50:23","date_gmt":"2018-09-30T21:50:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=188769"},"modified":"2018-09-25T00:04:23","modified_gmt":"2018-09-25T05:04:23","slug":"pregnant-from-rape-son-greatest-gift","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pregnant-from-rape-son-greatest-gift\/","title":{"rendered":"Mother pregnant from rape: My son ‘is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given’"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

(Save the 1<\/a>) – He was my friend.\u00a0 He made me laugh.\u00a0 He was a very big guy about 6 foot 3 and 280 pounds.\u00a0 It was December 19th.\u00a0 I remember that distinctly.\u00a0 He was trying to cheer me up because it was the anniversary of my father\u2018s death, and he was visiting me at my apartment.\u00a0 I had no reason not to trust him at the time.\u00a0 Everything changed in a moment when he grabbed me by the back of my neck and pushed me onto the bed on my stomach.\u00a0 He never let go of the back of my neck and I was afraid.\u00a0 I was so afraid.\u00a0 This tiny voice inside me like a whisper was saying “stop, please, please stop.”\u00a0 But no one could hear because it was such a tiny whisper.<\/p>\n

I have to say I don\u2019t even remember how he got my clothes off.\u00a0 It is a blur.\u00a0 I only remember his hand on the back of my neck.\u00a0 And I remember fear.\u00a0 I remember pain.\u00a0 And I remember the whisper.<\/p>\n

Part of me thought I was going to die, but somewhere deep down I knew that I wouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t breathe because my face was pressed so hard into the bed.\u00a0 In many respects, I did die that day.\u00a0 Not physically, but in a way people will never understand.\u00a0 I died inside and it feels like nothing will ever heal it.<\/p>\n

When he was done, he just let go and left my apartment.\u00a0 I just lay there and cried.\u00a0 Somehow, I thought that I had done something wrong and that it was my fault.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t comprehend how a friend would do this to me.\u00a0 He was married, his wife was a court reporter, his father-in-law was a retired police officer.\u00a0 And he knew I had a boyfriend.\u00a0 Knowing his family connections, I quickly thought that if I reported this, nothing would ever come of it.\u00a0 Nevertheless, I did call the police and that\u2019s pretty much what I was told.\u00a0 So I kept silent after that.<\/p>\n

READ: For 48 years, Ann kept a photo of her baby, conceived in rape and adopted<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

About two or three weeks later, I was terrified as I took the pregnancy test in a restaurant bathroom.\u00a0 I already knew in my heart what the result would be, but I wasn\u2019t prepared to see it.\u00a0 Pregnant by rape, I felt so alone.\u00a0 I was poor, I didn\u2019t know what I was going to do, and I felt that my only recourse was that I had call him and tell him.\u00a0 His immediate response was, “Are you sure it\u2019s mine?”\u00a0 I was certain because of the timing and because my boyfriend and I had never had unprotected sex.\u00a0 Conversely, my rapist didn\u2019t hold back at all.\u00a0 Then he asked me how much an abortion was going to cost.\u00a0 I had no idea.\u00a0 And the conversation ended with him telling me, “Let me know.”<\/p>\n

\"\"

Tricia became pregnant from rape and calls her son amazing. Photo courtesy of Tricia Allen.<\/p><\/div>\n

In my mind, I wasn\u2019t going to have my child, but my soul kept telling me not having my child was wrong.\u00a0 I never called the abortion clinic.\u00a0 And I quickly made the decision that I was not aborting my child.\u00a0 For the next several months, I lived alone with this secret of my pregnancy.\u00a0 \u00a0But I had a small frame, and my boyfriend began to notice.\u00a0 He assumed I had cheated on him, and I still could not verbalize what had been done to me, so I let him think that, and our relationship ended.\u00a0 At the same time, my family saw my growing belly, and I lived with everyone assuming I\u2019d cheated on my boyfriend with a married man.\u00a0 I could deal with that shame better than dealing with the shame I had from the rape.<\/p>\n

Even though I lost my boyfriend, several of my special friends, and the respect of my family, there was still no question in my mind that the matter was simple \u2014 I\u2019m pregnant and I\u2019m having a baby.\u00a0 And that was that.<\/p>\n

The day my son was born, the nurses placed him in my arms, and he latched on and nursed right away.\u00a0 I gazed at him and my son was just perfect.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t give one thought to the man who raped me.\u00a0 My son was mine and mine alone.\u00a0\u00a0And it turned out that my dearest child was the greatest gift I\u2019ve ever been given.\u00a0 He has beautiful green eyes and adorable red hair.<\/p>\n

Because I had little means financially, I received state assistance, and therefore, my rapist was sued for paternity and child support.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t worried about this opening the door for him to be involved in my son\u2019s life because I already knew he had no interest in seeing my son and that was, of course, ideal for me.\u00a0 In the end, he only saw my child twice:\u00a0 once for the paternity test and once in court when everything was being finalized.\u00a0 At the time of the DNA test, when my son was only about two months old, he looked at my son in his bouncy seat, kind of “shook his hand,” and said, “Hello, I\u2019m the a-hole.”\u00a0 That\u2019s really what he said \u2014 the only words ever spoken to my son by his biological father, and I\u2019ll never forget it.\u00a0 But I wasn\u2019t surprised.<\/p>\n

READ: Defeating five lies forced on women who become pregnant from rape<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

No one in his life or family has ever acknowledged my child\u2019s existence.\u00a0 For a long time I thought that was unfair, but after a while I was happy for it. I didn\u2019t want them around him.<\/p>\n

When my son was around four months old, my mother and I finally had a conversation about what really happened, and she said to me, “I knew.”\u00a0 My mom has seven kids.\u00a0 She knows everything and has great intuition.\u00a0 I felt very relieved.\u00a0 I had chosen to keep my rape a secret during my pregnancy, but it had hurt me.\u00a0 I lost dear friends, and I never had the opportunity again to tell them the truth of what had really happened.<\/p>\n

After a year, I met my husband.\u00a0 We had mutual friends and I know he heard the rumors, but he gave me a fair chance, and about a month into our relationship, I shared with him what had been done to me and he showed me great empathy.\u00a0 We married a few months later, and now we\u2019ve been married for 15 years and have three children we\u2019ve raised.<\/p>\n

\"\"

Tricia became pregnant after rape and her son is now 16 years old. Photo courtesy of Tricia Allen.<\/p><\/div>\n

My son just turned 16, and he is one of the most empathetic people you\u2019ll ever know.\u00a0 He\u2019s a senior level Boy Scout \u2014 receiving many honors.\u00a0\u00a0He\u2019s on the robotics team and he speaks German.\u00a0 But . . . , he looks nearly identical to his biological father \u2014 except for his red hair.\u00a0 We don\u2019t actually refer to my rapist as his “biological father,” but we\u2019ve nicknamed him “bio sleeze.”\u00a0 Humor makes it easier to cope.<\/p>\n

I do have flashbacks sometimes, but not as often now because I only see the beauty of the amazing child I was given through the worst day of my life.\u00a0 My son does know where he came from.\u00a0 For years, I never used the word rape, but he has always known that “the man who made him” is not in his life.\u00a0 He knows he has a half-brother and half-sister.\u00a0 Once in a great while \u2014 maybe every year or two \u2014 he will ask me questions.\u00a0 I try to answer them as honestly as I find them to be age-appropriate.<\/p>\n

I first told him about his parentage when he was about seven or eight.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember exactly, but it was around that time.\u00a0 He was old enough to know that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby, and I explained that the man he knows as his father, as his “Daddy,” was not the man from whom he received half his genes.<\/p>\n

READ: Pregnant after rape, teen rejects abortion after feeling her baby kick<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sharing my story because I\u2019m no longer going to hide.\u00a0 What happened to me was not my fault.\u00a0 I\u2019m not dirty or disgusting and neither is my son.\u00a0 I\u2019m not ashamed and my son should not be either.\u00a0 The shame rests solely with the man who raped me because he knew exactly what he was doing and he did it anyway.<\/p>\n

My health is not well due to Lyme Disease which went undiagnosed for several years resulting in more autoimmune disorders and severe damage to my body and brain.\u00a0 I feel that sharing my story now is my opportunity to leave a lasting legacy which teaches my children the value of life and who they are as a person, as well as anyone else who reads this.\u00a0 God knew what he was doing when he created my son and he is priceless.<\/p>\n

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published at Save the 1<\/a> on September 7, 2018, and is reprinted here with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Save the 1) – He was my friend.\u00a0 He made me laugh.\u00a0 He was a very big guy about 6 foot 3 and 280 pounds.\u00a0 It was December 19th.\u00a0 I remember that distinctly.\u00a0 He was trying to cheer me up because it was the anniversary of my father\u2018s death, and he was visiting me at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":589,"featured_media":188775,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[7077,9455],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nMother pregnant from rape: My son 'is the greatest gift I've ever been given'<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Pregnant from rape, Tricia chose life for her baby. 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