{"id":171113,"date":"2017-08-25T14:50:18","date_gmt":"2017-08-25T18:50:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=171113"},"modified":"2017-08-25T17:34:54","modified_gmt":"2017-08-25T21:34:54","slug":"coerced-into-abortion-planned-parenthood-by-baby-father-wish-i-could-undo-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/coerced-into-abortion-planned-parenthood-by-baby-father-wish-i-could-undo-it\/","title":{"rendered":"I was coerced into an abortion at Planned Parenthood by my baby’s father, and I wish I could go back and undo it"},"content":{"rendered":"
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11-week ultrasound of Jill’s baby before her abortion at Planned Parenthood<\/p><\/div>\n

I’m a 29-year-old single mom… and I made the worst<\/em> choice of my life last April.<\/p>\n

I became pregnant and I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to place my baby in the arms of a loving mother and father who were together, and who could support my baby financially and give love as a family.<\/p>\n

But my baby’s father put me in an awful position and situation… so I went against my heart, morals, and beliefs.<\/p>\n

The Planned Parenthood<\/a> staff could tell I was very undecided and not sure I wanted to go through with it. I asked for the ultrasound, which kills me to this day. It cost $100 to get the ultrasound in my hand. I remember being angry and making them charge it to the father. I remember looking at it, saying, “That’s a baby… our baby.” I took the ultrasound, knowing when we came that following week there was no way I’d be able to go through with it. But I did.<\/p>\n

I will never forget the day or night before my abortion<\/a> appointment; I talked and cried out to God for forgiveness, and I told my baby how sorry I was.<\/p>\n

I cried on the way to meet with my baby’s father, and on the way into Planned Parenthood. I was the only woman crying in there from start to finish — a\u00a0girl walking in sobbing, being patted on the back and told, “You’ll be ok.” I dont understand how they let me go through with it. I remember it all. I was hysterical in the exam room, and Planned Parenthood staff was telling me to relax because they didn’t want me to have complications.<\/p>\n

I heard God’s voice tell me to get up and walk away, but I felt it was too late. Oh, how I wish I could turn back time.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t something that I wanted to do and I felt beyond horrible about it. I knew I would be messed up mentally and emotionally from it all, and immediately, I came out a mess<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I felt no relief like so many others claim to feel. I was just beyond distraught. I remember getting to my best friend’s empty apartment after the procedure and I fell to the floor screaming, and cried my eyes out that afternoon. I was depressed for weeks, and then the weeks turned into months, yet I still had to be a parent to my 6-year-old daughter.<\/p>\n

I remember my daughter would often ask me what was wrong when all mommy would do is cry and want to sleep.<\/p>\n

I know loss. My firstborn daughter, Naomi, was born at 28 weeks due to severe preeclampsia. She survived outside my womb for 5 weeks. The pain of losing a child is indescribable and it stays with you forever. She would be 8 years old this April. I never thought I would be able to go on after losing my daughter. I was given my 6-year-old daughter by the grace of God.<\/p>\n

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Jill and her firstborn daughter Naomi (28 weeks)<\/p><\/div>\n

I know what life is like in the womb at every stage and yet I went through with the worst thing imaginable.<\/p>\n

I allowed my baby’s father to threaten me. He told me if I chose adoption like I wanted to, he would make my life a living hell.<\/p>\n

I know that I’ve been forgiven by the Lord and saved by his grace, but I can’t lie… there’s not a day that I don’t wish I hadn’t gone through with what I did. I have flashbacks to that day, to the Planned Parenthood workers who just stared at me as I cried, not doing a thing. I still, to this day at times, cannot use a vacuum, and have to stop cleaning because I am reminded of the pain and memories I went through. Certain noises get to me and I turn away and try with all my might to block them out. It is also difficult to see babies who are the same age as my baby would be now.<\/p>\n