{"id":16819,"date":"2012-05-21T10:36:59","date_gmt":"2012-05-21T14:36:59","guid":{"rendered":"\/news\/?p=16819"},"modified":"2013-04-03T02:19:05","modified_gmt":"2013-04-03T06:19:05","slug":"blessing-in-disguise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/","title":{"rendered":"Blessing in disguise"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

I peed on the test stick and waited for a minute. The test was positive? What…how could this be? It was our first time together – that doesn\u2019t happen on the first time!<\/p>\n

My cousin Tara came in the bathroom. \u201cMichelle, how are you doing?” I said there is something wrong with this test, I think I need another one. She said, oh, OK! I have another one in my drawer. But I don\u2019t have the instructions with it. I said, well, give it to me. With all the muscles in my body, I managed to squeeze out about 10 drops more. I waited\u2026the test had a circle…was that positive or negative?<\/p>\n

My instincts said that that “o” meant “positive,” but I wasn\u2019t sure, or maybe didn\u2019t want to be sure, so I drove back to the market, sure now that both tests were wrong. I bought a twin pack of pregnancy tests. I went back into Tara\u2019s bathroom and took another one…waited…this one had a plus sign! I shouted out the bathroom to Tara: “Hey, Tara…this one said positive! I think all these tests are messed up.”<\/p>\n

Tara came in the bathroom. She said, “Hmm\u2026well, that\u2019s weird! Why don\u2019t I take one and see what it says? Then maybe we can get a happy medium between them.”<\/p>\n

I had enough sense to realize that I was in fact pregnant. Laughing at our denial, and because I didn\u2019t know how else to react. I was in shock! I had only just been divorced for one year from a sixteen-year marriage, with three children that I already felt like I was having a hard time providing for. And now I was pregnant with a fourth child? I cannot take care of another child, or bring another child into this world, especially without being married! What would my family say? They don\u2019t even know I have been seeing Chris. And do I even want to be with this Chris forever?<\/p>\n

That night I prayed, and in my prayers I said, “Lord, how bad would it be if I got an abortion? This baby was not made out of your design of love and marriage. It was made out of sin – how bad would it be?”<\/p>\n

That night, I had a dream that my son Daniel, who was six years old at the time, was killed. In the dream, it was something that I allowed to happen, like I wasn\u2019t watching him and he was killed. I woke up crying because the dream seemed so real, and I realized that I had my answer: killing my baby in my womb would be like killing my son Daniel. My baby, just as Daniel, is my son! He is a child.<\/p>\n

I was very sad because I knew what I had to do; I knew that I would protect this new baby in my body and not let any harm come to him. But my flesh didn\u2019t want to face what was next: telling my family and children, and my friends.<\/p>\n

I decided that it would be best to first tell my baby\u2019s father that I was pregnant. I went to his house, and he answered the door. We went to the couch and sat down. Chris\u2019s house was kind of dark, and had a sort of bachelor guy theme to it. We talked the small talk for a bit ’til I could think of a good time to say it, and of the words to tell him. There wasn\u2019t a good time, so I just took a deep breath and spat out the words: I am pregnant!<\/p>\n

A confused look came over his eyes. He didn\u2019t look very happy – he had just come from a divorce as well. He said, “Why don\u2019t you get an abortion?” I said, “I can\u2019t – I don\u2019t believe in abortions! As much as I would like to right now, I couldn\u2019t live with myself if I did.” Chris said,
\n“Well I will stand behind you in any decision you make.”<\/p>\n

I grew up in Stayton, and I had lived there for thirty-two years. I have a very large family, and my grandpa was a very successful businessman who owned half the town. It seemed that everywhere I went, I ran into friends and family members.<\/p>\n

It was getting obvious that I was pregnant; I could no longer hide my belly underneath big sweaters. I did not want to tell my family because I already had just got through a year of people talking about me getting divorced, with everyone lecturing me and scolding me, telling me what I should do and shouldn\u2019t do. You have the know-it-alls and the do-gooders who think they know all about your situation. I was so tired and beaten down from the divorce that I didn\u2019t have the energy to be in the spot light again, and it was none of their business anyway. I didn\u2019t have to tell them! So to save face, I moved out of town. I moved about forty-five miles south of town, but it was far enough away that the chances were small of running into anyone I knew.<\/p>\n

I decided I had to quit my real estate position and get a job where I could have insurance to cover my delivery. This meant that I had to tell my boss what was going on and resign from real estate. I was so mad inside; I had finally got free of a divorce and was finally getting back on my feet. Now this!<\/p>\n

I remember that I prayed: “Lord, I will do this, but I\u2019m not going to like this!” Looking back, I see how selfish I was – I wanted to live life the way I wanted! This child was not in my plans! I went to my boss – a principle broker and owner of a successful real estate company who also happened to be a worship pastor at a local church – and cried at his desk. I told him how I was pregnant, and how I needed insurance, and how I couldn\u2019t get it being a realtor. So I had to resign! He said, “I understand! I know things seem overwhelming right now, but I just want to tell you about a story of some friends who were finished having children. Then they discovered they were going to have another child, and that child was the best kid out of all the children they had together.” That made me feel better, knowing that God might possibly turn something I did wrong into a blessing.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t easy, though, and I hated the next five months. It seemed like I would be pregnant forever, and sometimes I would recall how my older brother Aaron had handled things when he was young. He had had a girlfriend whom he dated all through high school. He got her pregnant two times in those four years, and they had got two abortions. I remembered back at how angry I was at my brother at that time for not standing up and having those children. I would think, how could anything be so bad in life to have to kill a baby? Well, now I understood how he felt! I understood the fear, the shame, the changes that would happen.<\/p>\n

I told my older brother that I was pregnant; I knew he would understand. He actually was good friends with Chris – we had all gone to school together. I told Aaron that I wasn\u2019t going to get an abortion, and he said, “You’re darn right, you\u2019re not!” I saw tears welling up in his eyes as he continued: “That\u2019s when your problems would start!” Aaron said, “My oldest son would be twenty years old now, and the second child would have been eighteen. There is not a day that goes by that I don\u2019t regret those decisions. I was young and dumb, and I know I will have to answer for it someday.”<\/p>\n

I had been through this three times before, and all with a husband who didn\u2019t care. I was so angry inside! Now I was alone, but being alone wasn\u2019t as bad as I thought it would be, because I wasn\u2019t let down. There was no one there to blame! All the tasks you expect your husband to do…but this time, there were no expectations! So there was no let-down.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

A smiling Adam.<\/p><\/div>\n

Chris had lied; it turned out that he was very angry that I didn\u2019t have an abortion. I didn\u2019t talk to him again until after the baby was born.<\/p>\n

The day I went to the hospital and had Adam, the doctor held the baby up in front of me, and I felt all anger leave my body. I felt overwhelming love for this white, fat, healthy baby. He looked nothing like my previous three children. I just wanted to hold him – he was so precious!<\/p>\n

I called Chris and told him I had just had his son. He asked if he could see him, and I said, “Sure!” He came to the hospital the next day, and when he walked in and set eyes on his son, he started crying. He looked at Adam, and love overwhelmed his face. With tears welling up in his eyes, he told me how sorry he was for how he acted, and how he wants to be a part of Adam’s life.<\/p>\n

It was a slow and steady process, but Adam sees his dad routinely and loves him very much. Adam will be six years old next month. He is very funny and intelligent, and he has brought so much joy to so many people already. He’s such a cool kid.<\/p>\n

That time in my life seemed almost unbearable, but what I realized is that it\u2019s all just a season. It shall pass, and life goes on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I thought I’d be pregnant forever, but keeping the baby was the best decision I could possibly have made.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":122,"featured_media":16824,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nBlessing in disguise - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Blessing in disguise - Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I thought I'd be pregnant forever, but keeping the baby was the best decision I could possibly have made.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Live Action News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/liveaction\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-21T14:36:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-04-03T06:19:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/adam1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"377\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Michelle Haynes\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@liveaction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@liveaction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Michelle Haynes\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Michelle Haynes\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#\/schema\/person\/94b63cc97e720afc2687b2d7c469ecfc\"},\"headline\":\"Blessing in disguise\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-05-21T14:36:59+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-04-03T06:19:05+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/\"},\"wordCount\":1706,\"commentCount\":9,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Issues\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/blessing-in-disguise\/\",\"name\":\"Blessing in disguise - 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