{"id":168055,"date":"2017-06-25T16:03:43","date_gmt":"2017-06-25T20:03:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.liveaction.org\/news\/?p=168055"},"modified":"2017-06-26T20:21:05","modified_gmt":"2017-06-27T00:21:05","slug":"think-men-cant-regret-abortion-three-men-may-change-mind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/think-men-cant-regret-abortion-three-men-may-change-mind\/","title":{"rendered":"Think men can’t regret abortion? Three men may change your mind."},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>

When it comes to abortion<\/a>, most of the talk revolves around women and how it affects them \u2013 and rightly so. Abortion is something that is, largely, a women’s issue. Women have to undergo the procedure. They take on the risks. They’re the ones whose bodies get butchered and whose babies are ripped from their wombs. Women are the ones we know face<\/a> serious psychological consequences<\/a> afterward. It makes sense that the conversation would focus on women.<\/p>\n

But what about men?<\/p>\n

Largely ignored, the reality is that men are affected by abortion, too. It’s not unusual for men to feel grief, regret, and guilt after losing their child \u2013 because, after all, a post-abortive mother is just one of the parents. It’s not unusual for a father to regret the loss of his child, whether it’s right away or years later. The Daily Mail has spotlighted the stories of three such fathers<\/a>, who opened up about the impact abortion has had on them.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Tony<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Tony Perry is the father of two children: a four-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter, both of whom gave him handmade cards for Father’s Day. But he says he should have another child, one who would almost be a teenager today \u2013 except his girlfriend had an abortion, a decision he says he respected at the time but has come to deeply regret.<\/p>\n

“It left deep scars,” he said. “There\u2019s always a shadow in the background. The other way to put it is that it\u2019s like wearing a backpack \u2014 most days, you\u2019re simply aware it\u2019s there, but on others, it feels like an extra weight pulling you down.”<\/p>\n

When Tony found out his girlfriend was pregnant, he tried to get her to change her mind about having an abortion. “My mind was all over the place,” he explained. “You are experiencing such conflicting thoughts and emotions. On one hand, you\u2019re trying to get your head round the fact you\u2019re going to be a dad when you didn\u2019t plan to be and preparing to be emotionally connected to this child. On the other, you\u2019ve got to disconnect, because there might never be a baby.”<\/p>\n

The relationship did not survive the abortion. Tony ended up seeing a counselor to work through his grief.<\/p>\n

Carl<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Another man, Carl Miller, said he struggles with guilt after abortion. The child who was aborted ended up being his only child. But at the time, he thought his girlfriend had tricked him into getting pregnant, and he pressured her into having an abortion.<\/p>\n

“This was the last thing Jayne wanted, and there were tears from both of us as we wrestled with the decision,” he said. “Eventually, she agreed I was too young to be a father and apologised for deceiving me. We arranged an abortion together and I went with her to a private clinic for the termination at around 11 weeks. As I waited for her, I thought: ‘Am I forcing her to do this? Will I regret it?'”<\/p>\n

Carl and Jayne broke up a year later, and Carl eventually came out as gay. And he realized that he had lost his only chance to be a father. “I\u2019m in a civil partnership and I find myself a proud granddad to the three offspring of my partner\u2019s two grown-up children,” he said. “I absolutely adore them, and this heightens my guilt over the abortion, as I wonder what my child would have been like. I\u2019ve always felt I would have had a daughter, which I\u2019d have loved now, and becoming a father would have been life-changing. But it\u2019s only as time has passed that I appreciate the enormity of what happened and what I lost.”<\/p>\n

Paul<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

A third man, Paul O’Callaghan, also remains childless after having aborted his only child. He had a casual girlfriend who became pregnant, and he pressured her into an abortion, despite the fact that she was in her late 30s and he knew she loved children. “We\u2019d only dated for seven weeks and Charlotte knew I was not looking for a serious relationship,” he said. “I felt so stupid to be in this situation. I was furious with myself for being so careless. I was a grown man \u2013 not a feckless teenager. But I knew straight away that I did not want the pregnancy to continue, despite the fact Charlotte was in her late 30s and had never had a child. Maybe it would have been different if I\u2019d known her longer, but I wasn\u2019t ready to have a baby with her.”<\/p>\n

“She agreed to go along with whatever I thought was best, but I could see the sorrow on her face and I felt terrible,” he continued. “I knew she hoped I\u2019d tell her to keep the baby and we\u2019d make a go of it. But for me, abortion felt like the only choice.” When his girlfriend saw the ultrasound of their baby, she was overcome with emotion, but Paul refused to budge. She went through with the abortion at nine weeks of pregnancy. Years later, the gravity of what he had done began to hit him, and he now feels guilty for his actions.<\/p>\n

“There are bittersweet moments when I see men with their children and think: ‘That could have been me’,” he said. “I do feel guilty about what happened. I do wonder if she ever became a mum later in life, and I hope she did. Otherwise, it means her only child was aborted and, while I may never have a child, either, I\u2019d hate to think that I deprived her of motherhood and caused her lasting pain.”<\/p>\n