{"id":16181,"date":"2012-05-13T03:38:29","date_gmt":"2012-05-13T07:38:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.www.liveactionnews.org\/?p=16181"},"modified":"2013-04-03T02:28:44","modified_gmt":"2013-04-03T06:28:44","slug":"pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/","title":{"rendered":"Pursuing purity: why I&#8217;ve embraced abstinence"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;\" class=\"sharethis-inline-share-buttons\" ><\/div><p>I\u2019m a 30-year-old black woman who\u2019s proudly a virgin. Living in America, in 2012, I might be seen as a triple-minority. Some think I\u2019m missing out, depriving myself, allowing my personal and religious beliefs to stifle the passions of my soul.\u00a0It&#8217;s no wonder\u00a0people think that way. Our culture is sex-saturated.<\/p>\n<p>When I was in high school, the MTV reality show \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.mtv.com\/shows\/real_world\/san_diego\/series.jhtml\">The Real World<\/a>\u201d was about people of different genders, races, and political and spiritual beliefs living together in hopes to challenge stereotypes and develop authentic friendships. Now the show\u2019s more about how many attractive people can get drunk and sleep together in an episode.<\/p>\n<p>Think I\u2019m exaggerating? Look up \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/The_Real_World\">The Real World<\/a>\u201d on Wikipedia, and you&#8217;ll find that even they agree:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Overt sexual behavior was minimal during the show&#8217;s early seasons, relegated mostly to discussion. In subsequent seasons, the level of sexual activity greatly increased, beginning with the Miami season, which depicted or touched upon activities such as exhibitionism, frottage, voyeurism, and threesomes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I\u2019m thankful I stopped watching years ago. MTV\u2019s target demographic is 18-25, but I bet there are quite of number of 9- to 12-year-olds who view the channel. What message are they giving a young generation?\u00a0How will these kids learn about sex? If\u00a0they\u00a0visit Planned Parenthood\u2019s Teen website <a href=\"http:\/\/www.plannedparenthood.org\/info-for-teens\/\">page<\/a>\u00a0for answers, they\u2019ll read that it\u2019s normal to masturbate, have bisexual sex, experiment with porn, and have an abortion if they\u2019re not ready to be a parent.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.www.liveactionnews.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/pdm20.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-16385 alignright\" style=\"margin: 15px;\" title=\"pdm20\" src=\"http:\/\/www.www.liveactionnews.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/pdm20-300x268.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"214\" srcset=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/pdm20-300x268.jpg 300w, https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/pdm20.jpg 379w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 240px) 100vw, 240px\" \/><\/a>Thankfully, there is a better way. We can make choices with our sexuality that won\u2019t involve one night stands, threesomes, porn, STDs, birth control, and abortion. I can testify that my life is a lot happier and healthier without any of the above.<\/p>\n<p>Abstinence is powerful. It\u2019s a strong choice I make to honor my body, resist temptation, and love myself. I\u2019m a virgin not because I haven\u2019t had any opportunities to have sex. Our TV shows and movies often depict virgins as geeky girls and socially awkward guys who are too nerdy to get any action. In reality, those who chose to abstain are beautiful people who are taking personal responsibility for their bodies and emotions.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t feel I\u2019ve \u201cmissed out\u201d because I\u2019ve abstained. I have a wonderful life full of rich friendships, global travel, writing, missions work, photography, dancing, and pursuing the dreams of my heart.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s been a battle fighting to abstain. My decision has cost me. I&#8217;ve left relationships\u00a0with guys who\u00a0don&#8217;t respect my\u00a0boundaries and been overlooked by men because of my\u00a0values.\u00a0I\u2019ve felt out of place in conversations with friends who\u00a0glorify their\u00a0sex lives. I\u2019ve thrown away movies, refused to read books, and stopped attending events where the atmosphere is filled with lust. But though I have paid a price, I&#8217;ve received a much greater gain.<\/p>\n<p>Choosing abstinence has led me to a healthier self-esteem, stronger will, higher level of assertiveness, and an ability to discern right from wrong. I&#8217;ve learned that I\u2019m valuable and worth\u00a0fighting for.\u00a0Waiting has\u00a0allowed me to search my heart and\u00a0deal with the\u00a0root issues of rejection, fear, and the\u00a0drive for affirmation that stems from childhood wounds.\u00a0In times of doubt, I remind myself that I&#8217;m a princess who deserves respect.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve stood outside abortion clinics and watched men drag their girlfriends in. I\u2019ve talked with women who suffered from STDs and others who wish they hadn\u2019t taken the morning-after pill. I have friends who are virgins and others who are sexually active. Hearing their stories and seeing their perspectives makes me glad I\u2019ve chosen abstinence.<\/p>\n<p>African-American woman are <a href=\"http:\/\/www.voiceofrevolution.com\/2009\/01\/18\/abortion-statistics\/\">3 times<\/a> more likely to abort than any other race. <a href=\"http:\/\/globalfathering.com\/facts\">Eighty percent<\/a> of African-American children grow up apart from their fathers. That\u2019s a whole lot of little girls looking for love and a bunch of boys trying to figure out how to be men.\u00a0Masculinity is gained not by the number of sexual conquests a guy has. Giving up\u00a0their bodies won&#8217;t guarantee\u00a0girls the safety and commitment they&#8217;re looking for. Just one episode of MTV\u2019s &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Teen_Mom\">Teen Moms<\/a>&#8221; can show you that.<\/p>\n<p>In the past couple of years, I\u2019ve witnessed three weddings where both the bride and the groom were virgins. All three brides were black and strongly pro-life. The issue of abortion is connected to the issue of sexual purity. We must teach abstinence\u00a0as we work toward ending abortion.\u00a0I&#8217;m tired of hearing the pathetic reasoning of \u201cKids are going to have sex anyway, so let\u2019s just hand out condoms.&#8221; What poor expectations we have of our children.<\/p>\n<p>Some\u00a0kids\u00a0will have sex no matter what a parent or authority figure tells them. Others will appreciate and heed teachings on abstinence. It\u2019s easier to\u00a0give birth control, but more rewarding to invest our time mentoring children and helping them make good decisions. Allowing public school health programs, TV shows, and Planned Parenthood affiliates to teach our children about sex is dangerous folly.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.toomanyaborted.com\/?page_id=1541\">Dr. La Verne Tolbert<\/a> is a African-American former\u00a0member of the NYC Board of Directors for Planned Parenthood.\u00a0After a change of heart, she left PP\u00a0and\u00a0wrote a book called <em><a href=\"http:\/\/books.google.com\/books\/about\/Keeping_You_Your_Kids_Sexually_Pure.html?id=q1hhPgAACAAJ\">Keeping You &amp; Your Kids Sexually Pure<\/a><\/em>. The book is based on her research on abortion mills in public schools and how condom availability encourages kids to become sexually active.<\/p>\n<p>In a <em>L.A Times<\/em> editorial <a href=\"http:\/\/articles.latimes.com\/1998\/jun\/06\/local\/me-57100\">piece<\/a>, Tolbert wrote, \u201cSelf-control, self-respect, delayed gratification, planning for the future, building healthy friendships and other values essential to abstinence education are necessary for every area of life, not just in the delay of sexual activity. In Washington, the abstinence program Best Friends has proved to be extremely successful among African-American females. In seven years, only one girl in 400 has become pregnant.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The Best Friends <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bestfriendsfoundation.org\/\">program<\/a>\u00a0has a curriculum\u00a0that focuses on reaching middle-school girls with the message of abstinence from sex, drugs, and violence. They have proven results with their Best Men group for boys as well.<\/p>\n<p>There is a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bestfriendsfoundation.org\/\">quotation<\/a> on their website by Dr.Barbara Dafoe Whitehead:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>To reduce unwed teenage childbearing, it may be necessary to foster relationships with adult women mentors who can exercise firm guidance and give direction as well as support.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The peer-reviewed scientific research has shown that junior high and middle school-aged girls in the Best Friends program compared to their peers in D.C. Public Schools were six and a half times less likely to have sex. About two times less likely to drink alcohol. Eight times less likely to use drugs, and more than two times less likely to smoke.<\/p>\n<p>Their program gives me hope. I reject the belief that if we can\u2019t reach everyone, than we shouldn\u2019t try to reach anyone. We&#8217;re making a difference if we can\u00a0change the life of\u00a0even one child.<\/p>\n<p>Many people desire to wait until marriage to have sex. Realistically, that doesn\u2019t always happen, and some people are left\u00a0with regret. There is no reason to live in shame over the past. It&#8217;s never too late to go forward. Sexual purity is possible. It&#8217;s not easy, but it&#8217;s worth it. I pray that a whole generation turns away from a sex-driven, immoral culture and embraces purity, love, and physical\/emotional wholeness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s not easy, but it can be done.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":204,"featured_media":16384,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Pursuing purity: why I&#039;ve embraced abstinence - Live Action News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Pursuing purity: why I&#039;ve embraced abstinence - 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Her mother paid for an abortion but walked out of the doctor's office after a janitor in the hospital approached her. The janitor told her God would give her the strength to have her baby and she believed it. Hearing this story in her 20's caused Christina to become strongly pro-life. After graduating college in 2005, Christina spent a few years at the Justice House of Prayer in D.C and with the pro-life group Bound4Life. She then moved to the Atlanta to be on staff with the 24\/7 prayer ministry IHOP ATL. Christina is a wife and stepmom who currently works for a CareNet pregnancy center. She writes for Bound4life's blog and at www.chrismarie.com. Christina loves Jesus and has a heart for the Black community. She is a member of the National Black Pro-life coalition. and she believes the greatest civil right is the right to life.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.chrismarie.com\",\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/christina.m.martin.54\",\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ChristinaMar81\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/author\/christinamartin\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Pursuing purity: why I've embraced abstinence - Live Action News","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Pursuing purity: why I've embraced abstinence - Live Action News","og_description":"It's not easy, but it can be done.","og_url":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/","og_site_name":"Live Action News","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/liveaction","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/christina.m.martin.54","article_published_time":"2012-05-13T07:38:29+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-04-03T06:28:44+00:00","og_image":[{"width":"414","height":"219","url":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/pdm221.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Christina Marie Bennett","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@ChristinaMar81","twitter_site":"@liveaction","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Christina Marie Bennett","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/"},"author":{"name":"Christina Marie Bennett","@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#\/schema\/person\/30873716583e62355a8406ee9ea7d40f"},"headline":"Pursuing purity: why I&#8217;ve embraced abstinence","datePublished":"2012-05-13T07:38:29+00:00","dateModified":"2013-04-03T06:28:44+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/"},"wordCount":1237,"commentCount":29,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#organization"},"articleSection":["Opinion"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/","url":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/","name":"Pursuing purity: why I've embraced abstinence - Live Action News","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#website"},"datePublished":"2012-05-13T07:38:29+00:00","dateModified":"2013-04-03T06:28:44+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/pursuing-purity-why-ive-embraced-abstinence\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Pursuing purity: why I&#8217;ve embraced abstinence"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/#website","url":"https:\/\/archive.liveaction.org\/news\/","name":"Live Action News","description":"Covering Human Rights, Abortion, &amp; 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Her mother paid for an abortion but walked out of the doctor's office after a janitor in the hospital approached her. The janitor told her God would give her the strength to have her baby and she believed it. Hearing this story in her 20's caused Christina to become strongly pro-life. After graduating college in 2005, Christina spent a few years at the Justice House of Prayer in D.C and with the pro-life group Bound4Life. She then moved to the Atlanta to be on staff with the 24\/7 prayer ministry IHOP ATL. Christina is a wife and stepmom who currently works for a CareNet pregnancy center. She writes for Bound4life's blog and at www.chrismarie.com. Christina loves Jesus and has a heart for the Black community. 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