Ida Barrera suffered from acne and was taking Accutane to keep breakouts under control. She was told that while using the drug, she needed to prevent pregnancy because the risk of having a child with birth defects would be high. Barrera was dating someone at the time, and within six months of taking the drug, she became pregnant.
Barrera felt as if she had no other option but abortion. Her OB/GYN had warned her, and she didn’t see a way out. She didn’t know about research showing that, despite the high risk of birth defects associated with Accutane use, 53% to 64% of babies were born “healthy” after being exposed to varying amounts of isotretinoin, the generic name for Accutane.
Barrera told Live Action News, “When I discovered I was pregnant, I was at a crossroads. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, who had raised me in a loving Christian home, nor be faced with raising a child with birth defects, especially since the relationship with my boyfriend was a turbulent one.”
Barrera’s father had cautioned her about the boyfriend, who had been secluding her from family and friends. At first, he was verbally abusive, and then the abuse escalated. When told about the pregnancy, he urged Barrera to do what she ‘needed’ to do. Like her, he was fearful of having a child with disabilities.
While Barrera had a circle of friends, none of them were Christian, nor did they step up to discourage her from aborting the baby.
“I was looking for a lifeline, but I didn’t get one,” Barrera said. “I went to Planned Parenthood to get an ultrasound, but my boyfriend wasn’t allowed in the room with me, so we left. Plus, we were living in Texas, a state that had banned abortion.”
A lonely, painful abortion pill experience
Barrera and her boyfriend turned to the internet to order the abortion pill. But she did want to have an ultrasound before she took it, so she went to another facility for the scan.
Yet despite seeing her baby’s beating heart and getting an estimated due date, she chose to go ahead with taking the abortion pill.
“It was a very painful experience,” she explained. “I was at my boyfriend’s apartment, and he slept the whole time. It took four hours to expel my baby, but I experienced at least eight hours of pain afterward. I was in such shock when I saw my baby in the toilet. I scooped my child up and could see the tiny body inside the sac.”
Then she flushed her baby down the toilet. Afterward, she went home and lay in her bed. She bled for two months and didn’t speak with her boyfriend again until five months later.
“We eventually reunited,” Barrera said. “I tried to heal from the trauma, but he didn’t care or even try.”
Barrera got more heavily into drugs and alcohol to numb the emotional pain of the abortion. Recognizing that she needed help, she searched for a support group and began attending church. She didn’t know where her life was headed, but a fight with her boyfriend prompted her to book a one-way ticket to Colorado, where her sister and cousin lived.
Finding Healing
At church one day, she saw a flyer announcing the start of a post-abortive healing study — “Surrendering the Secret.”
“When I saw the same announcement on the screen in the sanctuary, I decided to enroll in the study and started my healing journey,” she said.
She also read the book, “Will I Cry Tomorrow?” and sought other resources to assist her in the healing process.
READ: Planned Parenthood’s ‘Virtual Health Centers’ expand as it closes in-person facilities
“That’s when I found the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study,” Barrera said. “It was a more intensive healing where I learned about forgiveness. Before, I had focused primarily on my anger and didn’t delve into the area of forgiveness, which is so important.”
The study included a Celebration of Life ceremony for her aborted baby. It was then she knew that to complete the healing process, she would need to tell her family about the secret shame she had hidden.
“I first discussed my abortion with my sister, who told me that my child needed to be acknowledged like any other child. I then told my brother and parents, who both cried and said they would have offered support,” she said. “That hurt to know that, but I believe there’s a purpose in everything.”
After her abortion, she carried out research into resources for women who were experiencing unplanned pregnancies and were abortion-minded. She read about couples willing to adopt babies to prevent women from having abortions and discovered the importance of pregnancy support centers in offering women hope and care. She also watched Live Action videos.
“It was comforting to me to read about these stories and to know that there were resources to help women who were in situations like mine,” Barrera said. “I didn’t do my due diligence when faced with an unexpected pregnancy.”
“God redeemed me even when I had participated in such an atrocity as abortion. Healing comes from the Lord and is available to anyone,” she said.
While Barrera is led to share her story with others, she feels she needs more time to heal before she’s ready to dive into pro-life outreach. “When the time is right, God has called me to do more. I have a desire to help other women, and I’m confident the right doors will open.”
